Book Review: The Deaf Girl
As a long time Bachelor/Bachelorette fan, I was thrilled when there would be a D/deaf contestant for Matt James’ season. I do have to admit that I was disappointed when Abigail Heringer stepped out of the limo. She spoke and didn’t use sign language. I wasn’t disappointed with her as a person. The spectrum of D/deaf identities is so wide. A D/deaf person who can talk well and doesn’t use sign language often ALWAYS gets picked to represent the ENTIRE D/deaf community. It gives people the wrong assumptions about us.
That didn’t stop me to continue to watch the season. D/deaf people with cochlear implants still ARE a part of the D/deaf community. I rooted for Abigail! I really liked her authenticity, personality and the person she was.
When she announced that she was writing a book, I knew I’d be one of the first people to read it. It always intrigues me to read about the various life experiences of other D/deaf people no matter where on the spectrum they are.
Synopsis:
An inspiring story of hearing loss and hope from The Bachelor's first deaf contestant
Abigail Heringer made her television debut as an instant fan-favorite on season 25 of The Bachelor. Stepping out of the limousine, she approached her bachelor with a playful declaration: she would be staring at his lips all night for two compelling reasons—her profound deafness since birth and because he had some nice lips!
But Abigail's journey wasn't always marked by such confidence. Growing up deaf and introverted, she dreaded being the center of attention, fearing her disability would burden those around her. Among her hearing peers, she felt like an outsider, simply labeled as "the deaf girl." And after receiving a cochlear implant at the age of two, she subsequently struggled to find her place in the Deaf community too. Caught in between two worlds and grappling to define her identity as a deaf woman, Abigail felt like she belonged in neither.
Supported by her family, particularly her deaf older sister Rachel, Abigail has come to understand that while being deaf is part of her identity, it doesn't define her. Throughout her journey, marked by challenges and adversity, Abigail has grown into her own strongest advocate, discovering a new voice that is confident, fearless, and empowered—a voice that enables her to proudly reclaim the title of "the deaf girl" she once resisted and rewrite it as a testament to her resilience and strength.
Hopeful, vulnerable, and uplifting, The Deaf Girl shares Abigail's journey of navigating life with a profound hearing loss and her transformation from merely accepting her disability to embracing it wholeheartedly. This memoir serves as an inspiring reminder for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider or struggled to embrace their differences, showcasing that every voice is worthy of being heard.
Review:
Abigail being the first D/deaf contestant on the Bachelor was amazing, she’s educating people about her specific life journey with cochlear implants. That led people to be more interested about deafness/hearing loss. In this book, she talks a lot about her upbringing from her birth, school years, college, post-college and The Bachelor experience.
It was very interesting as we didn’t get to learn about the depth of Abigail’s life while she was on The Bachelor. I didn’t realize that she had an older sister who also was born with hearing loss and also got cochlear implants. It was tough reading about her mom’s reaction to the hearing loss as it was similar to my parents’ reaction. The fear of how to help your child without understanding deaf culture or knowing what the future will look like for them.
The perspectives of Abigail and her sister, Rachel were so different related to their hearing loss/cochlear implants. While Rachel adapted to cochlear implants easily, Abigail struggled with hers. They both processed them very differently. I loved how Abigail shared about this and was honest about cochlear implants as they are not one size fits all. She really educated well about what it is like to have cochlear implants, how it takes time to adjust to sounds, putting in effort to process sounds and more.
While cochlear implants are a controversial subject of the deaf community, there are also deaf people who are not accepting of them. I was sad to read about Abigail’s experience with her ASL teacher who was anti-CI. She was singled out in the class for having them. Abigail explained about the deaf activists who were against the implants but shared she was in agreement about the inaccuracy of cochlear implants being perceived as a ‘cure’ for hearing loss. I love Abigail’s maturity on this sensitive subject and that she understands that it’s not for everyone. Abigail is very grateful for her mom to make the decision that she did and she is appreciative of her implants.
I’m always learning about cochlear implants, and was amazed that I learned even more from Abigail’s book. I also was amazed that even through we had such a different journey (I never had cochlear implants), we experienced so much alike related to our hearing losses. It spoke to my soul when she talked about:
How much she tried to hide her hearing loss while in school. Me too, girl! I always tried to hide my deafness in school or in public.
Attending parties with her boyfriend and his friends who didn’t know her since they went to different schools. I always loved meeting people from other schools who didn’t know me as ‘that deaf girl’!
Being more open about her hearing loss in college helped her develop confidence in herself. I might’ve went to a college with a large deaf community but that’s exactly what helped me to develop confidence in myself - accepting my deafness.
I’m happy that Abigail wrote this book. There aren’t any memoirs to my knowledge of a D/deaf person with cochlear implants. On social media, I like to recommend a variety of deaf identities (as I mentioned, there’s such a wide spectrum) so I’m glad to add this book to that list. I throughly enjoyed reading about Abigail’s life story as well her The Bachelor experience!
D/deaf: The ‘uppercase D’ is used to describe those who identify as culturally Deaf and are active with the Deaf community. The ‘lowercase d’ refers to the physical condition of having hearing loss and don’t always have a strong connection to the Deaf community.