Accommodations

This week kept many of us indoors due to the unhealthy air quality and smoke from the Canada wildfires. On Wednesday I decided to do a question and answer session via Instagram in the stories (it has since expired because stories are only visible for 24 hours).

One of the questions I received sparked a conversation with many people through private messages. What was the question?

Have you ever arranged a meet with anyone from here? How did you communicate?

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking… um why? I had a long winded answer where I explained my feelings. In summary, I said that normally I would never meet anyone in person because often they would act different (due to nervousness of interacting with me). I didn’t want to lose any of the online friendships I’ve made. It is hard enough that I’m isolated from the deaf community and it’s hard to make friends with people who don’t know how to communicate. Social media really helps with that.

Although, it’s been bothering me more and more lately. Some of those online friendships have lasted 5+ years. Wouldn’t you want to meet them in person? I started reaching out to some who shared that they had an upcoming trip to Mystic (where I am). I tell them I will bring someone who can help to interpret. In hopes of easing their nervous about meeting me.

I’ve had people apologize to me for not knowing American Sign Language. While I’m a huge advocate of learning ASL, I don’t expect everyone to know ASL. I went on to demonstrate via video (on Instagram stories) the app I use on my phone called Cardzilla. It is a FREE app that allows you to type out anything you want to say and the text is enlarged. It’s similar to the Notes app, but it doesn’t allow the feature of enlarging the text so that can be difficult for people to read.

Its not just my online friends, I also see many photographers have meet ups. They drive to a central location or explore a new town together. When I go out photographing, I’m often alone. Meeting up with more photographers is something I really want to do. But at the same time, I don’t want them to be stressed out about hanging out with me.

There has been unplanned encounters where I bump into people. So far, it always has happened when I was with someone or my family (who could help to communicate). Naturally those meets have been good. This is the reason why I think it’d help to tell those people online that I’ll bring someone to interpret.

This is where the messages started flying in my inbox:

Bringing someone is still making accommodations to make others feel comfortable, not for you!

I hope we can meet someday! I’m not nervous about meeting you but am I nervous about the communication. Yes. I don’t want you to feel the need to bring someone tho! I will try!

But why! People aren’t gonna authentically know you if you have another voice for you. It’s their problem not yours.

There are more messages that I didn’t share. People were upset that I feel the need to accommodate others. It is something I struggle with, all of my life I always wanted to make others feel comfortable around me. I’m only human, I want that interaction with people and I don’t want my deafness to drive them away.

I’ve recently stopped using my voice when I go to stores. When I used my voice, it seemed like people immediately thought I could lip read. Stopping the use of my voice helped to offload the burden of the communication onto them, not all on me. So the fact that I’m still accommodating others by bringing my ‘personal interpreter’ is still making it easier for others. I don’t know if that will ever go away - the feeling of need to make everyone else but me comfortable with communication.

I prefer that people be honest with me about if they’d be fine to communicate with me alone or with an interpreter. I care more about the interaction than the fact I’m still accommodating others. The interaction is more important. I enjoy the conversations with people I’ve met. I love to talk everything Mystic or anything they see from following me. I want to stress that if you ever see me out or want to arrange a meet in Mystic, I will be very understanding and flexible with our communication. I will make sure we understand each other. I will be patient, knowing that you may not know sign language.

Every time someone approached me in public, it does makes me feel great! It always leaves me smiling for the day. I still smile big to this day about that random shout out ‘Knot So Loud!’ from Abbott’s Lobster in the Rough when I passed by in my boat last summer!