Meet Mr. Kelly

In a recent blog, I talked about the challenges of being deaf and dating. I left off stating that a Part II would be coming. Does that mean I have someone in my life?!

(In the Michelle Tanner voice) You got it dude.

I met my first serious boyfriend at RIT. I was in Political Science class with him. He waved to me at a hockey game then friend requested me on Facebook. Two days later, I saw him walking in front of the on-campus store so I jokingly honked my horn at him thinking he wouldn’t recognize me since it was night time, only to go home 20 minutes later to a Facebook message from him, “Was that you that honked at me tonight??” That conversation turned into a 3 hour long conversation. He asked me out to a coffee date after class the following day. THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER! He didn’t know any ASL. He didn’t understand a word that I said. I couldn’t lip read him at all. It was very awkward. There were a lot of “huh?” “what?” before I took out my phone. He responded back by doing the same. I remember sitting there thinking can this end already?

That night after our awful first date, we had another 3 hour long conversation online. We kept having many long conversations online. I started to really like this guy so much from our conversations but it bothered me that he didn’t know ASL. I was really hoping he’d be willing to learn. The first couple weeks, we did need to communicate on our phones in person. We were once approached at Panera Bread by an elderly man who asked us what game we were playing on our phones!

Two weeks later, he had to travel out of country for a school trip. Before he left, he took me to the bookstore to help find some ASL books. I picked out this basic beginner ASL book. Upon his return, he had LEARNED the entire book. I was so impressed! Another two weeks later, I brought him home to meet the family. He bragged proudly to my parents how he was learning ASL and showed off some signs. He observed my family signing to learn more (even my dad’s homemade signs!) I was worried that his interest in ASL would eventually tamper off but it never did.

It turned into a 10 year long relationship.

So this is “Mr. Kelly”.

We dated for the rest of the year until he graduated from RIT. He moved back to his home state of Connecticut. Now you all know the reason I am in New England! I had one more year of college so we had a long distance relationship. That was the toughest time EVER! I fell in love for the first time within 3 months of dating him. I missed him terribly. I visited him during all of my breaks. After my graduation, I lived in Connecticut for the summer. It was one of the best summers. I went back to Rochester because I had a job with Probation. I worked there until the New Year so I didn’t move back to Connecticut until January 2012.

Unfortunately the first year wasn’t a great. Living in Connecticut was extremely challenging. I had to adjust to living in a new state, away from the only home I ever knew in Upstate NY, far away from my family. I wasn’t happy with my employment after an amazing job with Probation. I struggled a lot to make a permanent life in CT. I felt alone without my family and friends. A deaf community was non existent in my area. I was unhappy. This affected our relationship. After some soul searching, I realized I wanted him in my life.

Despite the tough first year in CT, it made us stronger and our relationship grew. We fell in love even more. He is an amazing guy who set the bar really high! My family adored him. We started going on adventures around New England which helped me to truly appreciate life with him. We bought a home together then adopted our Dalmatian. I finally knew he was the one.

He proposed to me around Christmas time in my hometown. It was such a memorable moment! We just celebrated our 5 years anniversary the month before, I thought that the proposal would happen then (as did everyone else!). My dad sent us to a store to pick up some “glasses”, which was a ploy for my then-boyfriend to have the moment to propose to me. He signed the whole proposal speech!

We got married 9 months later on one of the Finger Lakes in Upstate NY. It down poured on our wedding day but we still had the most amazing day! Our Dalmatian was in the wedding party. We celebrated with our closest family and friends. We had an officiant that was fluent in American Sign Language (she also was my professor at RIT!) so she was able to verbally talk/sign at same time during our ceremony! During the dating years, he signed the song “Just The Way You Are” by Bruno Mars while we were shopping at the mall so we used that for our first song to dance to as a married couple.

Now you don’t have to wonder who my Instagram husband is!

First family photo with B.

Newly engaged!

Newport, Rhode Island.

Bar Harbor, Maine.

Engagement photo session in Mystic, Connecticut.

Our wedding day!

Kennebunkport, Maine.

Ireland.

Deaf and Dating

Dating is an adventure for everyone. It was especially hard for me because of communication barriers. I mentioned that I grew up in mainstreamed school. My only options for dating were the hearing guys. How do I approach them? How do I let them know that I have a crush on them? Will they learn American Sign Language (ASL) for me? It was challenging to develop friendships so dating was even harder.

I was lucky to have a cute “first boyfriend” story. In 3rd grade, I became best friends with a male hearing classmate. I don’t remember how we communicated back then during classes. I think it might’ve been all writing. Our school had an annual event where we write notes to anyone in the school. During that annual event in 4th grade, he wrote me a note. The note said “Dear Kelly, do you love me or not. If you do just give me your phone number and address. Your secret admirer. The boy now sits across from you. The first letter in his name is R.” Stinking adorable, right? It was an innocent elementary school crush but I was impressed how he made the effort and didn’t see me as a deaf person if he asked for a phone number! I ended up giving him what he asked for and we would play together after school. For my birthday, he gave me a Spice Girls (I was obsessed with them!) watch. Unfortunately when I moved to a new school, I lost touch with him. Looking back at this, even through it was innocent elementary school crush, I was impressed how my deafness didn’t stop him from having a crush on me.

In middle school, relationships were forming everywhere around me. I had many crushes. It was difficult for me to have a boyfriend. Many boys were shy or nervous about my deafness. They were old enough to know that it would be a challenge. I didn’t have any boyfriends in middle school, but I did have a long time crush on one particular boy that I played with on the co-ed soccer team. We flirted, we passed notes, and we hung out at lunch during school. He never learned ASL. I had a feeling that he had a crush on me but didn’t know how to have a relationship with a deaf person. This went on for a good 2 years. In the last year of middle school I met a boy that attended another school across town. I met him through my cousin, they had played baseball together. This was the second guy to directly tell me that he had a crush on me. Our relationship was entirely online through AOL instant messenger, we saw each other a few times in person. It was difficult to continue because we lived on different sides of the town. It only lasted 6 months but it was a great feeling to finally be liked back. I really crushed on him because he saw past my deafness. It was rare to find guys to do that. We did get back together for a short fling in high school but it ended because of communication barriers. Despite him seeing past my deafness, he didn’t learn ASL. It was so easy to talk with him online but in person was another story.

High school was very similar to middle school. It was difficult to get past any communication barriers when it came to dating. Any bonds I had with guys were friendships. I attended a summer camp at RIT/NTID the year before my senior year of high school. The summer camp was a 6-days exploration program for college-bound seniors. Everyone who attended the program was deaf or hard of hearing. I met a guy during the camp that turned into a long distance relationship for a year. This was my first deaf boyfriend. It was an interesting experience to not have the communication issues. He understood the deaf struggles so it was easy to connect on that. The only challenge with our relationship was that he lived outside of Chicago, Illinois. It made me different from my friends who had their boyfriends/girlfriends locally. It was tough to be long distance but I was glad to have a boyfriend when all of my friends had boyfriends/girlfriends. He came to visit me over Christmas break then I went to his prom in spring time. I flew at 17 years old to Chicago on my own! That was quite the experience. I did had an incident when I missed my layover in Detroit, Michigan because I couldn’t find someone to communicate with to help me find the gate. I passed a note to multiple agents with no luck. I eventually made it to Chicago 3 hours late than my original arrival time. I was terrified to travel alone but I did it! We both were RIT/NTID bound in the fall, but broke up during summer because we wanted to explore college independently.

I thought dating wouldn’t be so difficult during college with wide options of both hearing and deaf guys. At least the hearing guys at RIT would be aware of the deaf community and potentially know some ASL. Nope! I faced the same difficulty. I dated several hearing guys. We would go out to dinners, attend hockey games, movie nights, etc. The one thing they had in common was that none of them was willing to learn ASL. How did it worked then? It was all writing, texting on our phones or gesturing. After a while they would understand my “deaf accent”. I decided during my second year that I won’t date any more hearing guys who weren’t willing to learn ASL. It was too much work for me!

I’ve had relationships that were communicated entirely on the computer or phone (texting). I was surprised how the guys were OK with that. I didn’t enjoy that we were completely silent when we were hanging out in person. It was awkward! I dated a hearing guy once during college that took me to a hearing dominant party. I sat there for a while not interacting until a hearing guy who knew sign language approached me. He flirted so bad with me which made the guy I was dating jealous! However, when I was with him and his friends, it was impossible to lip read several people at same time. He didn’t know ASL so how could he help to interpret for me? That relationship was very short lived because of that.

It didn’t help my self esteem when I didn’t have guys willing to learn sign language to talk with me. I felt not good enough or liked enough. If they liked me so much, why wouldn’t they learn? Many of you probably are wondering by now, why not just date deaf guys? I dated very few deaf guys during college. None of them ever got serious. The problem is that the deaf community was so small, deaf guys were slim pickings. You may be surprised too, but it was difficult to find deaf guys that came from mainstreamed lifestyle. I preferred those guys in particular because it was difficult to connect with deaf guys who came from a strong deaf background. Some of them had too much pride to even date someone like me who wasn’t “deaf enough”. I dated a hearing guy with deaf connections, so he was fluent in ASL. It was really easy to communicate with him. I felt that I was able to get to know him a lot more than other hearing guys I dated.

I noticed it was pretty common among my deaf mainstreamed friends to date hearing people. I don’t know if it was because we came from mainstreamed lifestyles, hearing people were our norm. Deaf and hearing relationships however had a very high rate of breakups/divorces due to communication issues. It’s a lot of pressure already in the beginning of any relationship to have communication to work. I knew that I needed a guy who was willing to put in the effort. If he’s not willing to put in the effort to communicate with me, how would that relationship be successful? I broke up with a hearing guy that I was dating and his response was “Well, it probably was for the best. It wouldn’t have worked with us with the communication issues anyways”. I was baffled at the response. He never once learned sign language. He missed out on knowing me because he didn’t take the time to put in the effort. Seeing this happening so frequently with me and many other deaf people, I only feel sorry for hearing people who were too scared to try. They possibly missed out on a great person in their life. I was mad that I struggled with self esteem over this but I knew my worth. I learned to feel sorry for any guys who missed the opportunity to know me because they let my deafness get in the way!

In my 3rd year of college, I had a traumatizing dating experience. I was talking with a hearing guy that grew up in the same hometown and attended same high school. He didn’t know ASL. This became an incident when communication issues put me in a danger situation. He locked me in his room alone and I was very uncomfortable. I started to freak out and frantically gestured to him that I needed to go. It took a while before he understood. I was fortunate that nothing happened but I was shaken to the core. I was wondering is he going to hurt me? I left immediately and felt stupid. I blamed myself. I blamed my deafness. It was communication issues that got me into this incident. He reached out to me after to apologize and told me that he signed up for ASL classes. It was too late for him. I didn’t appreciate the position that he had put me in so I ended all communications with him.

It wasn’t fun for me to date but it did teach me a lot. I learned about what I wanted out of a relationship and focused on the important qualities that I wanted from that right person. I faced many rejections based on my deafness so I knew communication was first priority whenever I met someone. At times, it actually felt like I had to settle for less but I’m so glad I didn’t! Stay tuned for Part II.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Deaf identity

There are a lot of struggles with being deaf in a hearing world, but also within our own deaf community. Unfortunately it is challenging to find my place in the deaf community even as a deaf individual.

I mentioned in the cochlear implants blog that there are many subgroups of the deaf community. I learned about them when I attended college at RIT (which also had a college for the deaf - National Technical Institute for the Deaf - NTID). During my childhood, I was mainstreamed with all hearing peers so I never truly found my identity until college.

NTID was more of a community college helping deaf students to earn associate degrees. The goal after associate degrees is to either enroll in a bachelors degree program at RIT or transfer to another university for further education. The majority of deaf students were accepted through NTID, but very few were able to transfer into RIT immediately on enrollment depending on their academic success. I spent my first term in NTID then I was enrolled into RIT under the criminal justice program. I was one of three deaf students in the program at the time. Sometimes I would have them in my classes and sometimes I would be the only one. It was more difficult for me to socialize with my deaf peers being mainstreamed again, I had to go seek them out.

For this reason, in my first year of college, I decided to join a deaf sorority. I wanted deaf “girlfriends” so that I could have shopping buddies, I wanted to do all the girly things that I missed out on during childhood and find my future bridesmaids. This helped me to be involved in the deaf world at RIT. Many girls came from all kinds of deaf lives so I learned a lot from them. The sorority was involved in a lot of activities and events at NTID, I was able to socialize with my deaf peers outside the sorority as well. I also learned so much about my deaf culture from my sisters, I never knew there was a famous deaf rapper who happened to be married to my big-big sister’s biological sister - Sean Forbes. I was amazed when we went to one of his concerts and saw him rapping in sign language! The sorority had about 50-60 sisters so there were still “cliques” of girls (mostly based on the subgroups of the deaf community that I had discussed). It was still difficult for me to find my place. I formed a friendship with one who became my best friend who I did everything with. I was disappointed that I didn’t leave with a group of girlfriends as I hoped but I did leave with a lot experiences because of them. The sorority gave me a huge start in exploring my identity.

Another factor that helped me to find my identity was my deaf best friend that I met at a summer camp, before attending RIT. My best friend actually is a Rhode Islander (I had NO idea that I would eventually be a New Englander!). We did everything together in the first two years of college. He taught me a lot about the deaf culture and community. We had a different school upbringing but yet we clicked so well. He attended a deaf institute in Rhode Island before coming to RIT. I saw his self confidence as a deaf individual which helped me to build up mine. When we would go places, I would see him confidently talking to people using his voice or writing (this was in the days before notes were available on phones). He wasn’t afraid to try. He was a very sociable person, and as I was a shy person, that helped me to come out of my shell.

I had a turbulent time during college figuring out where I belonged. I HATED Rochester. Not kidding. I felt like I wasn’t fitting into any groups. I got homesick. I went home every weekend in my 2nd & 3rd year of college. This didn’t help my social life in the middle of my RIT years. I realized that I didn’t appreciate the friends that I did have. I closed them off. Luckily for me, some of them were still there at the end. It was a long difficult journey but I did finally accepted myself as a deaf individual.

That time finally came for me in my final year at RIT. It was the greatest feeling. I spent my whole childhood wondering why I was chosen to be different. Being in Rochester changed that perspective for me. It was the closest to a “normal” life that I could ever have. Rochester is much more accessible for the deaf community. Going out to public places was comfortable, hearing people were aware of us. They were used to knowing how to communicate with us and familiar with our “deaf accents”. It was normal to sit at a red light in traffic and see deaf people signing in the car next to you. It was normal to see deaf people signing at Wegman’s while grocery shopping. It was normal for a deaf person to drive right up to the drive-thru window to place an order. There were even deaf professionals in the community such as veterinarians, counselors, dentists, etc. I didn’t feel different at all. I felt at HOME in Rochester.

Why would I move away from Rochester?

I get that question PRETTY OFTEN, even today. I moved to Connecticut shortly after my graduation. Honestly, I did not want to leave Rochester at first. I realized in 2017 that I wanted to stay in New England. As difficult as it was to leave Rochester, the only thing I truly loved about Rochester was feeling that normality but my heart was destined to be near the shoreline.

Moving to Connecticut was an another challenge to start all over in the deaf community. Unfortunately, I am in a “dry spot” in CT, where a deaf community is almost non-existent and there are very few deaf people locally. I would have to drive an hour up to Hartford, CT or Providence, RI to participate in deaf social events. I met the local deaf people, it was hard to socialize with them since they all had kids and I didn’t. I liked them but it wasn’t easy finding things to do together. I was excited when a local event popped up at the casino close by. I was nervous to attend but when I did, only one deaf person talked to me. Another event that I went to, I finally was able to talk to more deaf people but most of the questions I got was criticizing the lifestyle that I chose. They weren’t accepting of me. This drove me away from socializing in further events.

I did get a chance to work at a deaf institute up in Hartford, CT. The majority of the staff there were deaf. I was able to socialize with deaf co-workers but I was faced with that acceptance issue again. I was told that many deaf people in Connecticut are protective of their deaf community so they aren’t always welcoming of newcomers. I was upset about that because with the deaf community being so small and with only so few of us, I would think they would be more accepting to have more friends who speak their language and understand their culture. We face discrimination often so I was shocked to get that from my own community. Another thing is that I also was told that I wasn’t “deaf enough”. They were able to understand me when we communicate via sign language. I understand most of deaf culture from what I learned in college. Yet I was still not “deaf enough” because of my mainstreamed upbringing. It is very frustrating.

It is very lonely to be alone in CT but this is when I realized the importance of keeping in touch with my deaf friends from RIT online and via text messaging. I am SO lucky to have them! The distance and going through this difficult experience has helped some of those friendships to grow. I have found that many of them are going through similar experiences of not fitting in their local deaf communities, it isn’t just CT where this is occurring. It shouldn’t be challenging because living life as a deaf individual is already challenging enough!

These experiences have made me stronger BUT I do have my bad days. I learned that it helps to go to Rochester to reset myself. Ironically the place that I once hated has became a place to reset. Those trips are always good because it brings back my confidence and motivation as a deaf individual being back at home around deaf people in the deaf world. I feel better once I feel that normality. It reminds me of the journey I went through to love myself as a deaf person. Rochester is always going to be home for me, a place where I can truly be who I am. I can live with the fact that I won’t have that normality every day but Rochester will always be there for me when I need home. There are still times when I wish I could move back to Rochester permanently, but for now New England has my heart.

The Deaf Mainstreamed Life

Happy Deaf Awareness Month!

This past week I saw a post that was frequently shared over Instagram. The post quoted “I don’t want to turn a Deaf child into a hearing child. I want to help a Deaf child who struggles become a Deaf child who doesn’t struggle”. Those words just really got to me! It made me reflect on my mainstreamed childhood in the public schools. I had some tough times but also gained a lot from my experiences. It’s important to have the best education but at same time, make sure it fits the needs of each individual. Not all deaf people are the same, so the needs varies!

I was mainstreamed in a public school in Upstate New York my entire life. Being mainstreamed was very challenging. I first attended an elementary school across town that had a specialized classroom for students with hearing loss as well as other disabilities. There was an average of 13 students in the classroom every year. I would spend half of the day in the classroom working on speech and writing.

Let’s go off track for a bit so I can explain why writing was a huge focus for me. Grammar is a common weakness for Deaf people. American Sign Language and English are different language, with different grammar rules. Because of our hearing loss we are not learning the linguistics patterns; therefore, writing can be challenging for many. You can see this sometimes when a Deaf person would write the way they sign. Example: (English) How are you? (ASL - how we would sign) How you? Often when using ASL, the verbs (is, be, am, were, etc) aren’t signed. ASL follows different word orders than spoken English.

I hope this clarify why I needed more time to work on writing and with grammar than an average student needed. So again, my typical day consisted of spending the morning in the special education classroom then in the afternoon, I went to my mainstreamed class. This is when I ate lunch with my peers, attended specials (PE/music/art/library) classes and learn other core subjects (math/science/social studies).

I attended that elementary school up to the 4th grade. Since the school wasn’t in my neighborhood, I had to commute daily on a bus. I begged my parents to let me go to the local elementary school in my neighborhood. I badly wanted to be at same school as my brother and the local kids from my neighborhood. My parents had to fight for me to be allowed to transfer schools. The school I was going to had the special classroom equipped with interpreters, Teacher of the Deaf and speech services. The district didn’t want to pay additional for those services at the local school. Thankfully my parents didn’t give up on the fight and I was able to go to the local school for 5th and 6th grades.

It was one of the best decisions for me to transfer schools. Despite the challenges, it was worth it in the end. The experience made me grow a lot and learn how to be my own advocate. I made local friends. I had grown up watching my brother have local friends who were able to come over to play. My friends from my first school never did that since it was across town. When I transferred to the local school, I made many local friends who were able to play with after school. I had best friends. I had sleepovers. I went to birthday parties. I went to friends’ houses for play dates. I was having the normal friendships that I watched my brother have.

One of the second grade teacher at my local school heard about my upcoming arrival the following year so she hosted a sign language club after school. I was allowed to come as a guest to help her teach kids basic ASL. I made a few friends. This helped tremendously with the first day jitters! I walked into the class immediately knowing some friends because of the club. I was very grateful for that teacher to open doors for friendships! She has no idea how her actions with the sign language club became a major asset for my transition into the new school.

Being at the local school was very different. I felt that because I was clumped in with the special education kids at the first school, it was hard for others to see me as an independent person. While at the local school, I was the only deaf student. Everyone was intrigued with my deafness. They really took the time to get to know me and learn my language and communicate with me. I was more involved in other activities and plays because they saw my ability. I even announced the weather reports over the loudspeakers daily to practice my speech skills! Attending the local school really allowed me to thrive and build my independence.

I went onto middle school and high school with my friends. It became more difficult to socialize with my peers as we got older. It was easier in elementary schools when kids were more willing to learn sign language. ASL was old news by the time we got to high school. Some friendships drifted away, but I still gained new ones.

Some have asked me over the years why I didn’t go to Rochester Deaf School for the Deaf (RSD) in Rochester, NY. Despite the 2 hours drive, it was the closest deaf institute to my hometown. It was common for almost every deaf kid from my area to attend RSD for middle and high school. While I was in middle school, my parents took me to RSD and New York State School for the Deaf (NYSSD) in Rome, NY. We toured the schools and my parents left the decision completely up to me if I wanted to attend.

First of all, it was amazing for me to see a class taught in my language - sign language. Some teachers were deaf too! I was blown away at how this was reality. It’s what I have always dreamed of, a perfect world where everything is spoken in my language and everyone was deaf. I followed students my age around for the day at both deaf institutes. I went to their classes with them. I ate lunch with them. I played in P.E. class with them. It was so much fun communicating completely in my language with people who understood me. The world that day was fully immersed in deaf culture. That was the biggest pro of deaf institutes - I would not suffer with socializing aspect. Education was whole other story.

I was disappointed from my observations in the classes that I attended how far behind they were. I was in 7th grade at the time, and they were teaching materials that I had learned in 5th grade. The classes were much smaller with a range of 5-7 students. I can’t exactly say why the education at the time of my visit was behind - it could been lack of staff or resources. It could been that these students needed more time to learn things. Sometimes it can be delayed for deaf people to learn things. You can see an example of that from interpreters. When a speaker is talking, the interpreter has to listen then think about how to interpret that information, then interpret. We will always be a couple of minutes behind from receiving that information. What you see in few minutes with an interpreter can apply to teaching years worth of materials to deaf children. It may require some extra time for them to understand. Some deaf kids have language deprivation at young ages due to their parents not knowing what to do with them. It can delay the whole learning process because teaching them language is a priority in order for them to be able to receive information. I see this issue at NTID (deaf college in Rochester) too. Everyone’s learning processes varies.

It was a very difficult decision to pick opportunities over social life. The mainstreamed school offered so much more classes and activities that the deaf institutes didn’t. Another huge factor in my decision to stay at the mainstreamed school was wanting to stay local with my family and friends. If I had decided to attend the deaf institute, I would have to stay in the residential dorms during the week. The students travels to the institute every Mondays and travel back home on Fridays for the weekends. It was extremely hard for me to imagine that lifestyle because I grew up doing everything with my family, even during the week. I didn’t want to miss out on things with my family. I relied on seeing my family daily (back in the days before videophones existed!). I couldn’t imagine not seeing my brother, who is my best friend, every day.

This decision continue to come up through out my mainstreamed years. It got really difficult at times. There were times when I struggled with social life. I was lonely when I didn’t have many friends. It wasn’t easy. I thought about how different my life would have been if I took the deaf institute path. I have imagined all kinds of scenarios but in the end, I know it was the best decision for me. I knew I would eventually go to RIT/NTID for college which had the deaf community I was searching for. I just had to wait a bit longer to have that. My years in mainstreamed schools taught me a lot and made me learn how to thrive, how to be an advocate and how to be independent.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Whittle's Willow Spring Farm

One of my favorite things about living in New England are the farms. There are so MANY around here. Every road trip, you will see at least one farm stand on the roadside. I love that! I didn’t see too much of that in the area that I grew up in Upstate New York. I learned more about the importance of farming once I started living here. I appreciate them so much more for the ability to provide us with fresh food!

Whittle’s Willow Spring Farm in Mystic, Connecticut quickly became my favorite farm stand in the area. They have the BEST sweet corn during summer time. I literally go there weekly just for the corn! They also sell many other veggies, eggs, honey and more. I also love their peaches and tomatoes. So delicious! The farm stand is always plentiful and has great prices.

Delicious juicy peaches.

The farm stand during summers.

BEST corn ever (the cornfield is where the pumpkin patch will be in the Fall).

During the fall (my most favorite season!), Whittle’s is the place to be. They have apple picking with plenty of trees for you to pick from. I found it very difficult to find an apple orchard that is dog friendly. Luckily I am able to bring my pup with me to Whittle’s Willow Spring Farm. Please do respect the farm, keep your pets leashed and pick up after them. The apple picking usually starts in September. The apples are always so juicy!

I go to Whittle’s Willow Spring Farm every October for pumpkins too! They have a gigantic pumpkin patch where you can pick your own pumpkins. Last fall, they had white and mint green pumpkins! They were really cool so I purchased a few of those. I love putting pumpkins on the front steps of my home. Again, I am able to bring my pup with me for pumpkin picking. I love getting annual family photos in the pumpkin patch. In their farm stand, they sell gourds, sugar pumpkins, Indian corns, etc.

The pumpkin patch.

Go big or gourd home!

There are farm animals in the pen next to the farm stand - roosters, chickens and pigs. It’s fun to visit them! This summer the mama pig just had a few babies, it’s been fun to visit the piglets!

Oink oink! The 10 weeks old pig.

The farm is currently operating under the fifth generation of the family, the farm has been around for a long time. Every time I visit the farm stand, they are friendly and knowledgeable. They answer any questions I may have or give tips on how to use the produces (like what’s the best way to cook corn, etc). During apple and pumpkin picking seasons, they put up decors and tractors for folks to enjoy and take photos with. Their customer service is always top notch!

Fall 2015 - my pup had enough of my kisses!

Fall 2016 - posing on the tractor.

Fall 2017.

Fall 2018 - the pup is too busy looking for the perfect pumpkin!

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

Traveling in Ireland

I was born into an Irish family with strong pride for our Irish heritage. I love everything Irish and about Ireland. It was natural that the first time I left America was for the beautiful countryside of Ireland. It was on my bucket list to see everything that my ancestral country had to offer. I recall being so nervous to leave the customs that I am familiar with especially with my deafness. I had no idea what to expect - how the people over there would react to my deafness? How will they talk to me if I didn’t understand them? Will they be more mean? Will I meet deaf people in Ireland and will they be nice?

Cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Ireland.

First of all, the people in Ireland blew me away. They were AMAZINGLY nice! Ireland is very welcoming to its tourists, the Irish people are very helpful. I interacted with people daily and never came across a mean person. It made the whole experience of traveling through Ireland so much easier. It wasn’t hard to approach a local and get information.

One day I went to tour the House of Waterford Crystal in Waterford, Ireland. The admissions desk noticed that I was deaf when I was signing so they told me that there was someone on the factory tour that knew sign language. They said they would check if he was working that day and make sure that we meet. I figured it was just a hearing person who knew some sign to communicate with all the tourists that came through there daily. Boy, was I wrong! This is when I met my first Irish deaf friend, Brendan. It was first time seeing someone signing a whole new language - Irish Sign Language (ISL). Wait, what? Yes, that’s right - just like verbal language there are different sign language in each country. So many people think sign language is universal but it’s not! I was nervous about not understanding ISL and how to respond. Luckily our first interaction went well, it wasn’t hard to understand what he was saying since some signs were similar to American Sign Language. All sign languages are based on visual cues, I was able to pick up on what Brendan was saying to me - he was telling me about his job as Master Cutter and how long his co-workers had been employed at the Waterford Crystal Factory. I was able to learn some information about the Waterford Crystal Factory that I probably wouldn’t have known if not for meeting him. Whenever I go on tours and see hearing people have that accessibility to talk to people behind the scenes, it makes me sad that I don’t have that luxury due to language barriers. I was glad that I finally got that chance with Brendan. It was the highlight of my trip to Waterford Crystal Factory.

My Irish deaf friend, Brendan working at Waterford Crystal Factory.

Many people that I interacted with in Ireland were very accommodating when I asked for information. When I was in Kilkenny, Ireland I walked in to the Smithwick’s factory into their gift shop to ask the employee for directions. That chat turned into an hour and half long conversation. I was there well past closing! She didn’t rush, taking the time to google things on the internet and draw up a map with lists of places to see for the rest of the time I was in Ireland. I came across another two women who were like this that drew up a map with written lists or directions for me. The girl from Smithwick’s was very fascinated with my deafness, the chat was filled of questions regarding that along with my questions about the general culture in Ireland. She was college aged and told me that she never met a deaf person.

I got the impression that many people in Ireland aren’t as exposed to the deaf community/culture. The Irish population is the same size as Connecticut and Rhode Island combined, but with much more space. The life in Ireland is very rural, I would imagine it would be hard to interact with deaf people unless you were in the metropolitan city like Dublin. I stayed at several homes all over Ireland , some of the hosts were very curious about my deafness. Almost every interaction ended with people asking me how to sign a word (or few). I felt like I was treated as royalty just because of my deafness.

My deafness also helped me to overcome communication issues that happened in Ireland. There are some Irish (mostly in Northern) that spoke the Gaelic language. I was at a restaurant in County Cork when I came across an Irish male that spoke heavy Gaelic. Speaking English wasn’t successful so I was able to gesture with him. The gesturing was the most successful method for our communication. It was funny to be in this kind situation because usually I’m struggling to be understood!

In front of DeafHear, an agency that provides services to the deaf in Ireland.

The airport security was another story. I flew out of Dublin Airport every time. During one of my return trip back home to America, the Dublin Airport Security (DAS) were asking people in line security questions. When I approached them, they pulled me aside. They wanted to ask me the questions directly and have me to answer them directly. I was literally shaking in my boots! The officer went off to talk to his supervisor and came back with a laminated copy of questions. He pointed to the question one at a time and looked at me to have me to shake my head “yes” or “no”. There was only one question where I had to expand my reply so I verbally answered with gesturing which went smoothly. I got pulled aside at United States customs once because there was an outstanding warrant for someone with same name as me (lucky me!). During this questioning ordeal, they allowed my traveling partner to interpret. Looking back at these experience, I was clearly most comfortable having someone to interpret but I have to say that Dublin Airport Security did the right thing. They looked at me as an independent individual which is how most deaf people want to be treated. DAS wasn’t nervous at all to attempt the communication. I was impressed in the end with what they did despite the nervousness I felt in the moment.

It wasn’t a difficult experience traveling all over Ireland with my deafness because of the kindness there. The Irish are very welcoming to the tourists and they definitely had a lot pride for their home country. I hope that when I return to Ireland that I will meet more Irish deaf people to find out more about the community and culture in Ireland. I’m very curious to learn more about Irish deaf culture!

Buttonwood Farm

Every summer I take the drive on a long scenic country road in Griswold, Connecticut until I reach Buttonwood Farm. Buttonwood Farm is a working family owned farm that sells farm fresh ice cream. They have the best ice cream in New England region. It’s THAT good.

The sunflower field where you can walk through or take a hayride.

Griswold, CT also got the “sunflower capital” cred from Buttonwood Farm’s annual event in July. The Sunflowers for Wishes is a fundraiser event donating all proceeds to the Make-A-Wish of Connecticut. Buttonwood Farm harvest 14 acres worth of gorgeous sunflowers and cuts them to sell bouquets. The week long event is when many people flock there to enjoy the sunflowers by taking pictures, rides on the cow train (kiddos), purchase the bouquets, and ride the hayride through the sunflower field. It’s so striking to see all those beautiful yellow sunflowers enough that I come back every year in July. People drive in from all over Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New York and who knows where else! Dogs are allowed as long they are leashed and friendly. TIP: it’s better to park in the field on Route 201 as the parking area in front of the farm can get really busy! Buttonwood Farm also sells sunflower ice cream during this event - it’s delicious!

The ice cream stand during Sunflowers for Wishes event.

Let’s talk about ice cream. As mentioned, their ice cream is farm fresh so you can’t get any more fresh than them! They have so many flavors so it’s hard to pick one every time I go there. Few of my favorites include blueberry (made with wild Maine blueberries!), cherry vanilla, chocolate brownie batter, coffee Reese’s and Jungle George (bananas with chocolate chips and walnuts). They make special flavors which is usually shared via their social media (Facebook or Instagram). Buttonwood Farm also makes their own waffle cones and whipped cream. The waffle cones are amazing. I love the smell of them when you walk up to the order window. My pup gets a bowl of whipped cream, it is funny to see her messy face afterwards!

My favorite time to visit the farm is usually during evenings to see the sunsets. Their farm landscape is so beautiful. They have farm animals in the fields too. I have 5 years worth of sunset photos from Buttonwood Farm - it really is magical there! The ice cream is definitely worth the drive if you’re ever in New London County (15 minutes drive from Foxwoods Casino).

One of the sunsets I captured at the farm.

Sunflowers for Wishes 2015.

Sunflowers makes my pup happy!

Sunflowers for Wishes 2018.

The bouquets for sale.

My pup with her cow friend.

Beautiful farm views with sunflowers.

Sunflowers for Wishes 2016.

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

No Sound, No Problem: Experiencing a Concert from a Deaf POV

Happy March everyone!

I’m excited that it’s March because being Irish is one of my most favorite things about life - it’s always so much fun to celebrate my heritage (but I celebrate year round!). This year, Flogging Molly came to town! They started their ‘Life Is Good’ tour at Foxwoods Casino. I had the time of my life! It brought back so many memories for me.

Growing up in an Irish family, my dad was a fan of Flogging Molly so it rubbed off onto me. People always got curious when I said that I liked a specific musician or a band because of my hearing loss. During my middle and high school years, I would learn the lyrics to any songs so that’s how I knew who I “like”. I never thought to listen to them but I started to in college after realizing that I could feel the bass and vibrations of the music when I went to few concerts. I can’t hear the words while the music is being played.

I don’t go to concerts often so I’m still learning about what it’s like when I do go. I thought Flogging Molly would be playing all new songs from their new release which I haven’t got around to research the lyrics or play them. While I was sitting at the concert feeling the bass and vibrations, I found myself feeling deja vu. I felt a sense of familiarity in the music.

There were couple years during college when I was homesick so I commuted the 2 hours drive every weekend. This is when I would blast any music in the car since I was alone on open and bare highway. Flogging Molly was played the most often.

So sitting there at Flogging Molly concert brought back those memories and I was surprised that I could recognize feeling the bass and vibrations after years! I was able to identify the song ‘Drunken Lullabies’ when they played it at the concert.

People were surprised when they saw pictures on my social media of me at Flogging Molly. Probably wondered how is that possible for me? Even through I have my hearing loss, I still enjoy the concert in my own way. On top of feeling the bass and vibrations of the songs, I enjoy the visual aspects of the concerts such as lighting, watching them play on their instruments, etc. I also can feel the excitement of concert-goers. At Flogging Molly, I enjoyed being around so many Irish people who were decked out in newsboys caps, Irish t-shirts, and tweed. It created a fun environment for me.

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

Christmas in Newport

With the festive Christmas season in swing, I headed to Newport, Rhode Island for the day. Newport, Rhode Island is one of my favorite places in New England - I previously blogged about attending the boat show last summer.

I celebrated my birthday last winter by touring the mansions in Newport. The mansions are owned by The Preservation Society of Newport County, who is a private non-profit organization established to protect the architectural heritage of Newport County. Some of their properties are National historic landmarks that are open to the public to tour year-round (the schedule varies by season so check out their website for the exact operating hours).

I was fascinated with the history of the mansions. I toured 5 mansions - the Breakers, Rosecliff, Elms, Marble House and Chateau-Sur-Mer. There are also 4 smaller houses on the tour that I have yet to visit. The Breakers is probably the most popular mansion that is visited by tourists. It was a nice treat to have the mansions to myself on my birthday which fell on a weekday last February which is the off season for tourists.

The Breakers was previously owned by the Vanderbilt family who used their fortune from New York Central Railroad to build this summer estate in Newport. The mansion has about 70 rooms! The Marble House was made with marble EVERYWHERE, even on the walls. That was really interesting to see! Rosecliff is the popular mansion for movies. The older version of The Great Gatsby was filmed there as well several other movies. All 5 of those mansions were summer estates of multiple rich families. I couldn’t image how they only enjoyed the mansions for short time - especially with the view they had of the surrounding ocean! I would definitely live there year-round if I owned one!

The Preservation Society of Newport County decorates the mansions for the holidays season so I knew I would return to visit this month. With my love for Christmas trees, I had high expectations and boy, I was not disappointed! It was stunning and beautiful! Only three mansions were decorated which were The Breakers, Marble House and Elms. All mansions had different themes of decorations based on the personality of each houses. I loved the details in each mansion - trees in the bedrooms, fireplaces were decorated, dining rooms were decorated as if it were hosting a holiday party, and many more!

The Breakers greeted me with huge wreathes on their iron gates at the entrance. It was a beautiful sight! The main lobby had a lot of reds against their gold interior. The Breakers also seemed to have the most poinsettias, compared to the other two mansions. My favorite room in the Breakers had to be the music room. The Christmas tree mostly decorated with red and gold garlands and ornaments stood next to the grand black piano. The detailing of the molding and chandelier made it look like a scene out of a Christmas movie. Another cool decoration was in the kitchen of the Breakers with eight trees the ornaments were decorated by local elementary students in Newport.

The Breakers - the music room.

Walking up to the Marble House entrance, you could see the Christmas tree shining in the window. My favorite room was the dining room. There was a long table centered in the room with the Christmas tree to the side. The table was decorated as if there would be a Christmas meal hosted there. It felt very homely in that room!

The Marble House - the dining room. I could picture myself sitting there having a Christmas day meal!

The columns of Elms were wrapped with green garlands and wreaths which had the best entrance decoration in my opinion. It was cool how the mansion had old toys under the tree from the 20th century. I had two favorites in this mansion - the dining room again and the main room. The dining room was decorated by a local designer with more of a modern style. The theme was a mix of The Green Animal Topiary garden (which is a property that The Preservation Society of Newport owns) and The Nutcracker. It had a very New England traditional feel to the set up. The main room was breathtaking - by far my most favorite room out of all mansions. A large Christmas tree in middle with two smaller trees on the sides decorated with white lighting and gold touches. There were white branches set up around the small trees. I love the simplicity and classic look of it.

The Elms - this is my most favorite!

I enjoyed the very festive day at the mansions and it didn’t stop there. I grabbed lunch at America’s oldest tavern, the White Horse Tavern before doing some shopping around Thames Street in downtown Newport. If you are a lover of taverns, you will enjoy the White Horse Tavern. Before you go, make sure you make a reservation! Otherwise, you will be waiting longer for a seat at the bar. Thames Street is the shopping mecca in Newport. It runs about 1.5 mile through center of Newport with many shops, restaurants, and more historical homes to see. Many of the shops were decked out for the holidays so it was fun to walk around and do some last minute holiday shopping!

Standing in front of the lobster trap tree on Long Wharf in Newport. It’s more pretty at dusk with lights on!

Before heading out of Newport, I saw on Instagram that there was a Christmas tree made out of lobster traps. I had to find it. I love anything nautical so the lobster trap tree sold me! I was able to easily find it by Newport Lobster Shack on Long Wharf. It was very cool to see.

There’s only three weeks left of Christmas at Newport mansions so hurry and don’t miss your opportunity to see the amazing decorations! It ends on January 1, 2019 and won’t return until late November 2019.

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

Can you lipread?

The very first question that I get asked every time once someone finds out about my deafness is “can you lipread?” (and yes, they’re verbally asking me this). It’s a misconception that every deaf person knows how to lipread. It’s a skill that is learned. As mentioned in my background blog, I grew up in a mainstreamed setting so I learned how to lipread at a young age.

Lipreading is a difficult skill to learn. It varies on the level of hearing loss and preferred communication method - some deaf people may be experts but some may be lousy. Hearing people often think this is the best method of communication but it is not. I grew up in a mainstreamed setting so I use simultaneous communication - speech and American Sign Language (ASL) as my main method of communication with my family and friends. Signing is the easiest method of communication but I also use speech to help them understand me more since they don’t know EVERY word in sign language. I understand everything when they use ASL with me.

I lipread a little when I’m interacting with strangers in public like at the stores, appointments, etc. If I am aware of what the conversation will be about, I have the ability to lipread most of what is being said. For example, if I go into a coffee shop - I know they will be asking me what size cup, what kind of milk, do I want this added in the drink, etc. It throws me off if they started a conversation that is not topic-related. Often, I would panic and wonder “what are they saying?”. It will take me a few minutes to try and figure out what is being said.

Many people have asked me if it makes a difference if I’m in a one-on-one dialogue vs a group setting discussion. Either way, I am only able to catch a few words from the entire conversation. The benefit of having 1:1 conversation is that I am able to focus on one person and I can ask them to repeat if necessary. Forget it with a group setting! I never catch anything from multiple people talking and they don’t always directly look at me (which helps me to lipread). It is extremely difficult and most of the time I leave those groups wondering what the discussion was about.

One issue that I have faced while trying to lipread a stranger in a public setting is that they get annoyed with me when I ask them to repeat or gesture. They either give up or cut the conversation short. So many people do not realize that lipreading is a substantial task for deaf people. It really requires us to put in a LOT of effort. In the end, I always feel guilty for any miscommunication that happens which isn’t always my fault. I try to ask people to write since that is better than lipreading.

You wouldn’t believe the misunderstandings that can happen from attempting to lipread! When I’m in a dialogue with a stranger, I am likely to catch a few words so I play the whole “fill in the blank” game. There have been some assumptions where I was entirely wrong and made the situations very awkward!

How long does it take me to lipread a new person that may come in my life? I am employed at a public school and I am the only deaf person there. How do I communicate with my hearing co-workers? I do have to lipread most of them. It is always challenging in the beginning of every year when I work with new co-workers. It does help when I see them daily and practice lipreading them. For example, if my co-worker verbally reads a book that I am familiar with, I am able to practice lipreading. It takes me about a month and a half to be able to lipread the majority of what they are saying but I do still occasionally miss some words.

Many people also don’t realize there are things that can prevent me from lipreading! One time at work, we lost power so we were in complete darkness. A co-worker started talking to me but I couldn’t see their lips in the dark! There have been some men that I wasn’t able to lipread because of their mustaches or beards. I can’t read lips when they’re covered with facial hair. It can be very distracting to lipread when someone has objects in their teeth/mouth or any kind of deformity around their mouth.

Accents also prevent me to lipread since people pronounce their words differently. I’ve traveled to Ireland twice where I’ve met many friends. They all spoke English but pronounced their words differently so I wasn’t able to lipread. I have came across New Englanders with strong Boston accents, which again I can’t lipread. I wasn’t raised in Boston so I never learned their pronunciations.

In the end it’s best that you do not assume that all deaf people can lipread. Don’t be afraid to ask them what their preference method of communication is. Most of the time it will be writing on paper or gesturing. Of course it’s most helpful if you know sign language!

All opinions in this blog are my own.

Mystic Knotwork

One thing I love about Mystic are the mom-and-pop shops. There are several in downtown and in the surrounding area. I love supporting local businesses. Naturally the nautical name of Mystic Knotwork drew me into their store when they opened on Cottrell Street in 2015. The store overlooks the Mystic River park - I had been taking a stroll through the park when I saw the store. I had to walk in to see what it was about.

Walking into Mystic Knotwork, there is ropes everywhere! Even the smell of the ropes which takes me back to the childhood summer days on the Finger Lakes in Upstate NY. Every product in the store is handmade by the owners - the Beaudoins. The store was founded by their grandfather in his home then given to the current owner who operated it out of Stonington before moving the store into Mystic.

The knot products varies from bracelets, necklaces, bowls, door mats, monkey fists, ornaments, and many more. They even offer nautical knot decor for weddings such as monkey fists, napkin holders and card holders.

The nautical woven star.

Mystic Knotwork supports many events around town, the Beaudoins are very active members of the community. Their popularity is visible through the ubiquity of their products and decorative contributions. You see their nautical decor in the Whaler’s Inn lobby and several other local businesses. Currently there is a pink nautical rope ribbon in honor of breast cancer awareness on the Mystic drawbridge that was created and contributed by them. They participate in many local fundraisers and shows (including Wooden Boat show at Mystic Seaport). Their role in the community makes me proud to support them.

It didn’t take long before I started having some of their products in my home! A few of my favorites includes a wreath, a bowl, a trivet, and the Christmas star. I have a navy blue and white rope wreath that I hang year-round in my home. I love seeing it daily on the wall in my living room. Last winter I fell in love with their knot star so I got myself a red and white one which will be displayed on top of the tree for first time this upcoming Christmas! Another favorite is a large navy blue rope bowl that I have in my kitchen. It was gifted to me by my parents. I’m aiming for the coasters next!

My custom wreath made by Mystic Knotwork.

Mystic Knotwork is located on Cottrell Street but they also recently opened a retail store on Holmes Street. The Cottrell Street is the original shop which serves as their workshop. Most of time you will be able to watch someone working with the ropes. It’s amazing to watch! The workshop is open to customers - they have a few products for sale there. You also may get lucky to get a greeting from their adorable dog, Betsy! The store on Holmes street (which you can’t miss with the lighthouse fixture attached to the store!) is their retail shop where you will be able to purchase all of their products that were made at the workshop. It’s fun to visit both stores - which I do most of time when I go to downtown Mystic.

Visit their shop at 25 Cottrell Street and 2 Holmes Street in Mystic. If you aren’t local - their products are found in many other shops all over United States and also sell on their website - https://mysticknotwork.com/.

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

The retail shop at 2 Holmes Street.

The workshop at 25 Cottrell Street.

Background

One of my hopes with this blog is to broaden the awareness of deafness. I will be sharing what it's like being deaf. All opinions and experiences in this blog are my own, it does not reflect the opinions or experiences of other deaf people.

Throughout my life I have met many people curious about my deafness, most often these are people who have never know a deaf person or who have had only limited exposure to the deaf community. I encourage people to ask me questions, because I want to bring awareness of deafness into main stream culture. I hope you can learn from me and feel free to email me your inquiring questions! 

Let's start with the background of my deafness. I was born with profound hearing loss with no history of deafness in the family. My parents, brother, grandparents, and relatives are hearing. I use simultaneous communication (sim-com) with American Sign Language and spoken English as my main communication method.

I was born in New Jersey so I lived there for the first few years of my life. When I was 6 months old, my parents noticed that I was not responding to sounds so they brought me to a doctor. The doctor stood adjacent to me and clapped his hands. Naturally I reacted by looking at him, he said “nope, she’s fine.” My parents brought me home with doubts in the back of their minds. When I was 9 months old, we visited family in Upstate New York. This is when they expressed the concerns to my aunt who was a student at Elmira College. My aunt scheduled a hearing test which this is where my parents were told that I am deaf. The people who did the testing did not want to commit to the level of my hearing loss so they suggested my parents schedule a testing with audiologist. My parents took me to an audiologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The audiologist confirmed my hearing loss but said the hearing loss was only moderate. I was fitted with hearing aids that suited that level.

My parents began to research schools for me to attend, two schools came highly recommended: Helen Beebe Speech and Hearing Center in Easton, PA and Summit Speech School in New Providence, NJ. Both of these had focuses on auditory/oral education. It was decided that I would go to Summit Speech School since it was 45 minutes closer to my home. I went there three times a week for 1:1 sessions. The staff worked with me to pronounce sounds.

While I attended Summit Speech School, they had suspicions that my hearing loss was greater than what my parents were told. They recommended to get another hearing test. My parents took me to Beth Israel Medical Center in Newark, NJ. It was discovered then that I had profound hearing loss! I was fitted with another hearing aid that was suited better for profound hearing loss.

By the time I was 3 years old, my family moved to Upstate New York to be closer to family. My parents felt the stress and uncertainty of raising a deaf child so they wanted the support of the family. I went from Summit Speech School in NJ to a program at Elmira College. The only difference was that Elmira College used “total communication” - usage of both spoken English and sign language. This is when I learned American Sign Language (ASL). My parents had hesitancy about me using ASL because Summit Speech School told them that it was bad! Fortunately, I never dropped the speech part. My parents started taking ASL classes shortly after so they can communicate with me.

I grew up the majority of my life in a small hamlet town outside of Elmira, New York. I attended a mainstreamed school. I was the only deaf student with no pre-existing conditions. I had a support team that consisted of a Teacher of the Deaf, interpreter, and a note taker. A deaf community was nonexistence during my childhood because all of my peers attended school for the deaf in Rochester, New York. Rochester was a 2 hours drive from my home. Before you ask why didn’t I go to the deaf school too… I promise a future blog post about it.

After high school graduation I attended the deaf college, National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID), at Rochester Institute of Technology in Rochester, NY. This is when I finally was able to be a part of the deaf community. Those years in Rochester probably were the most challenging time in my life discovering myself as a deaf individual. It taught me a lot about finding my place in this world.