A tribute to Robert F. Panara

I thought I’d share the story of a Deaf role model. Every time July rolls around, I think of Robert F. Panara. Who was he? He was the co-founder of my alum mater the National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID) at Rochester Institute of Technology. At the time, RIT consisted of 8 colleges of which I attended NTID then COLA (College of Liberal Arts). Panara is a pioneer in deaf culture studies.

Born in New York City, Panara lost his hearing when he was 10 years old. He had become ill with meningitis. That didn’t deter him from going to Gallaudet college in Washington DC. After graduation, he taught there until he came to Rochester, NY to found NTID. Additionally, he was also a writer. Some of the poetry he wrote was published in the 90’s.

Photo credit: Democrat & Chronicle.

When I attended RIT as a freshman, Robert Panara’s son was my English professor. That’s when I had learned about his legacy and realized how much his father had done for the Deaf community. I enjoyed hearing some stories from my professor throughout the quarter.

During my second year, I met Panara at a Rochester Red Wings baseball game. He was with his son, my English professor. I had went over to say hi and ended up in a conversation with him. He had the most contagious smile. I fell in love with his storytelling. I could tell how much he loved baseball!

Every time I returned to the stadium I’d look for them in their usual seats. I loved interacting with Panara. He was the happiest guy! I learned more stories about him. I had heard that he met Babe Ruth which he later confirmed, but he didn’t go in the details of the story. I saw a recorded video filmed by his friend after his passing of him explaining the story of how he met the Great Bambino. You could see from the video what a great storyteller Panara was.

NTID named the theater after him in 1987, Panara was very involved in theater and created plays for deaf actors. He founded National Theater of the Deaf (NTD) in New London, Connecticut. I didn’t learn this fact until after I moved to Connecticut. I wasn’t aware of NTD. Unfortunately, around the time I moved to the state NTD was going through changes and relocated from New London.  I was sad to learn that they weren’t local to me anymore!   

Robert Panara passed away at age of 94 in July 2014. In 2017, the United States Postal Service included Panara in the Distinguished Americans series. There is a stamp of him signing ‘respect’. The image was seen on several posters plastered around NTID and RIT campus while I attended college. It brought back fond memories!

I’m grateful for Robert Panara’s vast contribution to the Deaf community. Without him, I wouldn’t have gone to NTID/RIT. My education and post-college life would have been so different. He became one of my favorite Deaf role models, even though I didn’t learn of him until my adult years. It’s never too late to have new role models! I’m also lucky to have had those interactions with him at one of his favorite loves - baseball. His smile will live on in my memory!

If you want to read more about Robert Panara, I recommend the book: Teaching from the Heart and Soul: The Robert F. Panara Story by Harry Lang.

Deaf Anxiety

In my daily life as a deaf person, I have deaf anxiety. It is a phrase for deaf and hard of hearing people that have anxiety triggered from the inability to hear. The phrase ‘deaf anxiety’ was coined by deaf disability activist named Artie McWilliams. You can watch the video of him describing it here on YouTube - Artie McWilliams - Deaf Anxiety.

For many years, I’ve dealt with this but never knew what exactly to call it. Artie explained it perfectly and made a lot of sense. I was born into a hearing family and into a hearing environment. I was also born during the period when oralism was still encouraged over sign language. I grew up my entire life combating the stigma of deafness and trying to blend in the hearing world as much as possible.

Recently I attended a book signing. I had a HUGE case of deaf anxiety that started the morning of up to the book signing event at 4:30 PM. I struggled on whether I should share this experience because I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining or ‘poor me’. I don’t know how many people realize about deaf anxiety as it isn’t something that is often talked about.

The morning of, I woke up with excitement and nervousness of meeting one of my most favorite New England based authors. She was coming to visit the local bookstore in my town of Mystic, CT. I spent the entire day doing NOTHING. I was too nervous to do anything. I had plans of running errands. I couldn’t. I felt frozen. I overthought about every possible scenario that could happen at the book signing.

I was going alone too, so that elevated my nervousness. How can I communicate with everyone, especially the author? I wonder if anyone in line around me would try to talk to me? What if those behind me talk, and I don’t realize it? Would I have any issues of checking in the event with the bookstore staff? These were just a few thoughts I had.

Obviously I want to have a dialogue with the author. I planned on using the trusty Cardzilla app (a feature where you can type and the text is enlarged) on my iPhone to communicate. It hit me an hour before the event… what if I need to give my phone for the photo first before I even get to the author? That’s what had happened with another TV celebrity that I met. I found some nice stationary paper with hydrangeas on it and wrote my comments for the author.

When I showed up to the line, I tried to be early as possible so less waiting (and less time to over-think everything) would shorten the deaf anxiety. The bookstore staff was passing out papers with information about the book signing event which was so helpful. WHEW! It explained a lot of what will happen and what to expect.

About a half hour in (it was a total of an hour wait for me), the panic kicked in HARD. I felt nauseous, difficult to breathe, my heart was beating fast, sweating a little, my head was pounding, I felt like my legs were going. I started to pace in my little space that I had. I tried to focus on something but it was really difficult. Meanwhile, I looked completely fine on the outside so nobody would have known what was going on.

Once I got to the check in table, I knew to give them my printed out barcode. I smiled a lot and nodded. Followed what people in front of me did. I do a lot of watching of others around me at any events. As I was approaching the table, I was hit with panic again. I saw two people that I worked with on a collab. All of our interactions had been via e-mail or online. I never met them in person. How do I talk with them? Will they know who I am? It’d be nice to introduce myself to them, but how? I need to give my phone away for photos. I only had one note that was for the author.

Unexpected things pop up often during the events and I’m not prepared. It can really drive the deaf anxiety. I genuinely smiled at both of them. One of them commented that she recognized me so I was nodding in understandment. I felt silly that I couldn’t say more but didn’t have a way to communicate. Also both were working the event, so I knew there wasn’t a lot of time which is needed to communicate with any deaf person/people. I gave my phone to the other one, smiling at her and said hi.

I approached the author, she was faced down signing the book. I saw that she said something but I waited for her to look at me. This was when a moment happened that made me smile - the bookstore owner touched the author on the arm, said something to her (I’m assuming to tell her I was deaf or to look at me) and I gave her my note. I smiled a lot. I’m not sure if the author said anything in reply but she looked at me with a smile. We posed for the photos and I signed ‘thank you’.

I hate that all of this (deaf anxiety) is because of the years of stigma and inaccessibility. I spent the majority of my life immersed in the hearing world. I had internalized audism - I still feel from time to time that deafness is bad. I’m constantly on high alert, working out whether people will understand me, fake smiling/nodding, wanting to talk but can’t, and always feeling constant uncertainty. It is a LOT on me emotionally and physically. It’s even hard work to just run errands. Usually the day I have events to attend, I don’t do anything because I need that rest then after it’s over - I crash so hard.

Usually I avoid social events because of this. Don’t get me wrong, the book signing experience wasn’t AWFUL - I was very thrilled to meet the author. Naturally everything went well and the entire day of deaf anxiety seemed pointless. This is what happens every time - the majority of events, errands, whatever always turns out to be fine. I always wonder after the events/appointments/etc why did I stress so much like this? It seems so pointless but yet, the deaf anxiety never goes away because my deafness is for life.

A Tribute to Sue Thomas

As a teenager, I eagerly sat down in front of my television with the closed caption decoder box - TeleCaptions II. The TeleCaptions II was stacked on top of the VCR player, plugged into the TV so I could watch any movie or show with closed captions. This was during early 2000’s - when closed captioning was just beginning to be available on some shows/movies - when I didn’t need to use the box every time.

One of the shows that I obsessively watched was ‘Sue Thomas: F.B. Eye’. It was a TV series based on the real life of Sue Thomas, a deaf woman who was a professional lip reader for the FBI in Washington D.C. She was the first deaf person to work undercover for the FBI.

Sue Thomas was born in Ohio in 1950, became profoundly deaf at 18 months for unknown reasons. She was raised orally - learning speech and lipreading. She wasn’t fluent in sign language. From 1979-1983 she worked for the FBI. In 1990 she wrote a memoir titled ‘Silent Night’ about her experiences.

The book was the inspiration for the TV series ‘Sue Thomas: F.B. Eye’. The show that I would grow up to watch and admire Sue. She was a deaf role model for me. Remember back then, with no internet or social media - I didn’t have any deaf role models to look up to. That only gave me Sue Thomas, Marlee Matlin and Heather Whitestone (Miss America 1995).

I loved the show. I was in awe that a deaf person was working for the FBI. At this point, my interest in criminal justice was well established. I wanted to follow in her steps and go work for the FBI. That goal stayed with me through out high school and half of my college years. I might’ve changed my path but Sue Thomas remained a large influence in my life.

Sue Thomas made her way to Heaven on December 13, 2022 at the age of 72. I am feeling very sad for losing one of my role models. She was an inspiring person with so much love and care for the world! I encourage you to re-watch the series (available for free on Tubi) or read her book ‘Silent Night’ (available on Amazon).

Thank you Sue Thomas for making such a positive impact. You will always be remembered.

The real Sue Thomas on left with her service dog. The actress and dog on the right played Sue Thomas/service dog in ‘Sue Thomas: F.B. Eye’ TV show. Photo credit: Sue Thomas: F.B. Eye [Facebook].

Sue Thomas with her service dog, Rodney. Photo credit: Sue Thomas FBI [Facebook].

My Deaf voice

If you have met me in person, you will notice how I have an accent. It’s my ‘Deaf’ voice. I was raised in the oral method in New Jersey, where I was born. When my family moved to New York I was learning in the oral method + SEE (Signed Exact English). What is SEE? It’s sign language that follows English grammar. ASL has its own grammar rules different from English. I picked up on some ASL when I had an interpreter with me in my mainstreamed classes from Grade 5 until high school graduation.

I took countless hours of speech therapy from 3 years old until freshman year of college. 16 years. I had to memorize how to pronounce words. I don’t hear myself talk. I never will. So many people have said to me how impressed they are with how well I speak for a Deaf person. I talk so well that some people doubted that I was Deaf, they think I am Hard of Hearing.

When I went to RIT (college in Rochester, NY), I immersed myself in the Deaf world. But I was criticized for using my voice. Why?! It was highly frowned upon to use your voice while signing simultaneously, this was the only way I knew how to communicate! They had an insult sign, which was the sign for ‘hearing’ on the forehead - I was called that a few times. That insult is most common towards Deaf people who looks more ‘hearing’ based on their signs/using voice/oral/etc. I’ve gotten mistaken many times as a hearing person.

This was the hardest part about trying to find my place within my world. This weighed on me so heavily that I went through a period of depression over my identity.

Being back in the hearing world now, I’ve learned a lot since then. I realized that it was important for me to continue using my voice because my family and husband relies upon it. We also use sign language so using both helps them to understand me better. I’ve decided to accept that this is the best way for me to communicate.

I have stopped using my voice when I go out in public. I realized that once people see me using my voice, they automatically rely on that. It puts all the burden of communication onto me. I have to lip read and talk. I don’t lip read well! When I don’t use my voice, they focus on other ways to communicate (paper-and-pen or Notes app on the phone).

When I am around Deaf people or anyone who uses ASL, I do try to drop my voice. It’s such a hard, hard, hard habit to break after using sim-com for 16 years. Most often my voice would be very quiet or some words still gets pronounced (quietly). I still use sim-com when I’m around my hearing family and friends. I do hope that my voice helps them to understand me, but I would always appreciate if they took some of the burden off me by learning a little sign language.

My ‘Deaf’ voice is something that I’ve took a long time to accept. I’ve got questioned a few times about why my voice sounds funny. My favorite question is always the “Where are you from?”. I can play around and throw out random locations. But it’s also something that I am very self-conscious about because I know my accent isn’t perfect. It obviously sounds different. I always muted all videos on social media. I don’t want to get bullied over my voice.

Many people don’t realize that when a Deaf person talks it is based from memorization. We learned all of that in speech therapy. I never can tell the tone of my voice, as much I try to control that. Sometimes I don’t always realize the volume of my voice too. I learned how to pronounce every single word by memorization. Imagine learning how to swim without being in a pool then you swim based on memorization! That is what talking is for me!

A tribute to Jennifer L. Gravitz

During the Deaf Awareness Month last month, I pondered about deaf-related experiences that I could write about. It hit me that I need to share about the teachers, the ultimate role models.

I never really thought in depth about what makes someone the BEST teacher, other than someone who would go out of their way for students, care about them, etc. In my 2nd year at Rochester Institute of Technology, I walked into the criminal justice department to transfer into their program, at that time I was a photography major (I know, I know… the irony of this NOW). I met Professor Jennifer L. Gravitz. She became my advisor. I had no idea at the time how much she’d change my life.

Gravitz was not just a professor at RIT, but also a lawyer and [female!] rabbi! And probably more jobs that I wasn’t aware of. She spent a lot of time advocating for the Deaf community. At RIT she taught several criminal justice courses such as Concept in Criminal Law, Computer Crime, Cyber Law, etc. I took ALL of the classes with her.

What made her the ULTIMATE teacher? The way she taught her classes… using sign language and verbally talking. The classes were mainstreamed so at most there would be 5-8 deaf students per class. Gravitz included the deaf students. I never felt ‘different’ in her classes. There were interpreters to voice for the deaf students so the others could understand what was being said.

I took Concept in Criminal Law with another professor. Halfway through, I ended up having to drop because I was struggling in the class. I decided to try it with another professor. Gravitz provided that accessibility and understanding for the deaf community. She gave us time to understand concepts in her classes. She was willing to provide extra time outside of classes if we needed. She truly cared about us!

I forgot to mention, she is hearing. I’m not sure if this is correct, but it’s been said she was an interpreter at one point. She was one of the biggest advocates for the Deaf community in Rochester, NY. Gravitz was truly one of kind at RIT - it was very rare for hearing professors to provid that level of accessibility in their classes. How many hearing professors would be as accepting of the large deaf population at RIT and work so hard to learn ASL to provide 100% accessibility? That is the ultimate professor anyone could be.

I was never the student to participate in classes until Gravitz’s classes. I felt so comfortable. I spoke up. I asked questions. I talked a lot! I felt seen in her class. I also felt that Gravitz’s approach influenced the hearing students to be accepting as well. I felt that I was able to make many friends from her classes.

One example of how understanding Gravitz was in regards of deaf needs - she had patience. That’s an important trait to have especially when you’re around deaf people. An example of Gravitz’s patience is when she’d give breaks during classes. The breaks were for the C-print team, because they needed to switch. Back up first, C-print is an accommodation for students who aren’t fluent in ASL and prefer to read captions via computer screen. The typists, usually in teams of two would switch after specific amount of time. Gravitz gave that pause so none of us would miss a word. That wasn’t common practice at RIT, as professors would continue to talk during the switch and students missed out on that 5-10 minutes window.

So again, this is another reason why Gravitz was that ultimate teacher role model, she had that knowledge of what the needs were for the deaf community. It really showed that she truly cared for us. I am blessed to have that experience of being in her classes as well having her as my advisor.

And as my wedding officiant. She married my husband and I in 2015. I also spent more time with Gravitz when I started dating my husband who is Jewish. Gravitz is a Rabbi herself, she ran many events with RIT Hillel Club. Again, she made those events very accessible! I was able to learn a lot about Judaism because of her. One of my fondest memories is my first Passover, we celebrated with her and several other Deaf students. Gravitz also made her teaching personable by incorporating personal stories. Those have stuck in my mind, so now during Passovers I always think of her and her stories.

As soon my husband and I got engaged, I knew I needed to have her to officiant our wedding! She was one of the first priorities we focused on when we started the wedding planning. I was thrilled that she was able to officiant, especially when we got married on a high holiday weekend (Rosh Hashanah)! Gravitz truly made our wedding ceremony so special. She blended both of us so perfectly, made it accessible for both of us and her humor! I’m so, so fortunate that she was a part of our special day.

In memory of Jennifer L. Gravitz, who passed away in January 2020 after a courage battle with breast cancer.

Catholic Church + Deaf Accessibility

With Easter last Sunday, I have been thinking about my childhood memories of going to the church and the traditional Easter gatherings with my family. I grew up Catholic, even attended Sunday school up until 4th grade. 

On Instagram, I saw a post sharing that only 2% of Deaf people know Jesus Christ. There are approximately 400+ million of Deaf people worldwide. Honestly, that post didn’t surprise me. It took me back down memory lane of growing up in the Catholic Church and the accessibility issues that I had. 

My mom was the sole interpreter for the Church masses. Of course, she would be standing next to me, and she couldn’t interpret EVERY single word.  Adding to this we were seated in the back and not all of the speakers were clearly for people sitting that far away. I also have to be transparent, I was a child/teen at same time so yes, there were times when I didn’t always listen out of boredom. 

St. Patrick’s Church - Dublin, Ireland - 2015.

Sunday school was a hour long of religious education based on grade levels. I was among peers my age/grade. I remember every morning we all started school by standing in the lobby reciting ‘The Lord’s Prayer’. The only memory I have from this, is how I would use this time to people-watch. I had a volunteer interpreter who helped me out in the classroom. I recall that she knew some basic ASL but she wasn’t certified. We had our own corner of the table, while other kids sat in groups. I attended for a few years and don’t recall any friends that I made, likely because I was isolated in the corner. I don’t have a clear memory of why I stopped attending, but I believe that my parents saw that I wasn’t getting an education out of Sunday school. 

I also stopped attending church weekly (we went every Sunday). I only went for special occasions such as Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc. It didn’t bother me that I was missing out, I was actually relieved. That continued through my college years until the last year. I got curious and tried to find a Catholic Church in Rochester, NY that would have an interpreter. Rochester, NY is home of the largest Deaf community. I couldn’t find any, or maybe I wasn’t looking in the right places. I had a close friend who was going to a Baptist church she brought me to some events. I met other Deaf Christians. I went to a Bible meeting, it was conducted in ASL. They discussed, shared thoughts, prayed, etc. I went to a few masses where they had an interpreter for the Deaf section (approximately 20 people). The church even had a blow up screen that was focused on the interpreter for people in the back to see. It was very accessible. As much I wanted to have that, I didn’t have connection with the Baptist beliefs as I am Catholic. 

I didn’t look into the church again until I moved to Connecticut. One year I was thinking about how I wish I had a better understanding of the religion that I was raised in. Especially more so after I was married and talking about having kids. I thought long and hard how our future kids would learn about being Catholic when I wasn’t confident in knowing the religion that well myself. I decided to email several of local Catholic Churches around the area asking if they were willing to hire interpreters. I received ZERO replies. 

Kylemore Abbey - Connemara, Ireland - 2017.

After a while, I felt desperate. I emailed them again and asked if they had any parishioners who knew ASL and would volunteer their time to help me during the masses. Again, ZERO replies. I contacted two different Dioceses (a region of Catholic Churches that is ran under a bishop). There was a church locally in Norwich/Preston (20-25 minutes away) that had an interpreter right before I moved to the area. Unfortunately, they didn’t have enough Deaf participants to keep the interpreter. They were nice enough to email other Dioceses and tried to find a solution for me. 

A few years later, I found a couple of Roman Catholic Churches with interpreted masses that were in Providence, Rhode Island which would be a hour and half commute from where I lived. I didn’t feel committed to making that drive weekly. Especially if I was alone. I dropped the ball on this as I didn’t see it as a priority. 

During the pandemic, what a game changer! I was able to live stream masses, there was even a Deaf priest in Boston, MA. I was amazed to watch several masses where the ENTIRE THING WAS IN SIGN LANGUAGE. I didn’t think I’d find a Deaf priest as I had been focused on interpreted masses. It was really cool to watch that. I was so excited about finding this access and I finally was learning a bit. Unfortunately, the live streaming didn’t last long as they returned to in-person masses. I was really disappointed.

Black Abbey - Kilkenny, Ireland - 2015.

I am currently in an interfaith household. Before we got married, I attended some of the Deaf Hillel club events in college. The Rabbi who ran the Deaf Hillel was also the Rabbi who married us. The events were all signed in ASL. I recall bringing my then-boyfriend (now husband) to Passover dinner. Everyone signed. I learned so much about Passover and its meaning because the Rabbi signed the entire time. I felt guilt sometimes because I felt like I knew a LOT about the Jewish religion more than Catholic. All it took was having accessibility!

It’s always frustrating to have limited accessibility. It also doesn’t help when the religion itself is so complex. Even within the same religion, people have different beliefs and ideologists. There are so MANY types of religion, yet ZERO access for us. Many Deaf people don’t know religion. I felt like it was something important because a huge part of my childhood revolved around growing up in the Catholic Church. 

It took a long time for me to stop feeling guilty for something that is out of my control (lack of accessibility). I had been so focused on finding the accessibility that I forgot to spiritually connect in my own time. There had been few years when I didn’t feel like I was Catholic. I realized that I don’t need to be in a church to proof that I’m Catholic. I’ll continue to believe in what I know already and spiritually connect in my own way. Hopefully someday I can walk in a Catholic Church and have the accessibility provided as it should be for everyone. 

St. Mary’s Cathedral - Killarney, Ireland - 2015

Interpreters

The topic of interpreters… I’ve put this off for a while, after receiving some questions. So here I am, addressing some questions!

First of all, interpreters can be quite the discussion! We could talk all day long so I’ll keep it short for this blog. I have a strong appreciation for them as they help to facilitate communication between both worlds. Without them, it wouldn’t be possible for me to get the information or get my words across. They work hard interpreting for hours at times, with the constant signing (I can’t even write for hours without my hands cramping!). Interpreters also don’t come without some challenges. As the costs of hiring them can be daunting for some businesses/offices resulting in hiring non certified interpreters.

How do I know if my interpreter is certified? Most of time I can look up the registry database online. When I have medical appointments, I do not know who they call so it was common for me to go to my appointments not knowing if I will have a certified interpreter. I am stuck with whatever interpreter that is there that day. I often ask which agency they worked for to keep in mind if I want to request the same individual again.

Why is a certified interpreter important? It’s highly preferred as they completed a program and passed exams. No difference from you preferring a certified contractor to fix your broken porch over a self-taught contractor. This is an issue because most places will not hire a certified interpreter due to higher costs. If you’re certified, the more pay, right? As a result sometimes we end up with a lower caliber interpreter.

Have you seen two interpreters at the same time at an event, or sometimes there’s only one… and wondered why is that? The more interpreters you have, the better quality of information being interpreted. After 20 minutes, the quality of signing usually decreases. So if there’s a second person, that will allow them the rest they need. It is common for them to switch every 20 minutes to keep more accurate translation. I also like it when the resting interpreter sits, still pays attention to what is being said and adds whatever the interpreter forgot to translate. They definitely help to keep each other in check!

People don’t always realize that even with the interpreters translating for me, it’s not always my voice. Wait… what? Imagine this… you know the telephone/grapevine game? Where you have a group of 6 people… you tell one person at a time a sentence then it jumbles somewhere through the game and the last person says something completely different? Sometimes that’s what happens with interpreting. This leads to another question I’ve got… do I trust them? Sometimes. As much as I appreciate them being that bridge between both worlds, it is hard to put all of me in. I constantly am lip reading them to make sure they are repeating what I say. I have my husband with me most of time, so he’s also listening.

With that, has there been any embarrassing moments? Yes, several. The most recent memory I have is at a doctor’s appointment after having a sore throat for a week. I was sharing my sore throat remedies I had been doing at home. I said that I’m constantly eating cough drops. The interpreter translated “I’m constantly eating ice cream”. The doctor smiled at me and I saw my husband speak up. We laugh about it now, but imagine if he hadn’t been there!

I’ve shared that I’m not thrilled with the skill of interpreters in my area as I live in an area of few deaf people. The majority of interpreters are in metropolis cities an hour away. I’ve had my husband interpreting for me at all of my medical appointments for the last few years now. I know it’s not technically the right thing but I just had enough of the bad experiences. It’s hard because I know my decision of not requesting interpreters is not helping to educate the doctors and medical offices that they are supposed to provide me one. It’s also not fair that my husband is doing it for free too.

I don’t always love having my ‘words’ translated by someone else, but it’s the only way I can be a contributing member of the community. Well, the other option would be everyone knowing sign language… but not realistic! I also don’t like that people aren’t really getting to know me. They’re hearing my words through someone else’s voice. I even got that comment when I started this blog, how some were realizing and learning about MY VOICE. Imagine having your mom, husband/wife, brother or a stranger say everything you want. It doesn’t always match.

I’ve had interpreters since I was in elementary school. I was in a special education classroom with a teacher that signed but I still had an interpreter that came with me to my mainstreamed classes in the afternoons. When I transferred schools, I had one same interpreter with me all day long. She worked so hard to convey information and share my words. There was a misconception that she was my mom! Many classmates thought that. I noticed that it is a common misconception with permanent interpreters. How many of you thought Marlee’s interpreter is her husband or a family member?

When I moved to Rochester (NY) … home of one of the largest deaf communities, there were a boatload of interpreters compared to my rural hometown. Interpreters were not as much of an issue but it doesn’t mean that I still ran across some ‘bad’ ones but it was rare. I miss the quality of interpreters in Rochester all the time! I constantly had different interpreters for every class in college, always had two for each class. I saw the difference in having a team vs being solo. It made me appreciate my high school interpreter even more for her hard work!

The topic of interpreters could be discussed more in depth, both positivity and negatively. Despite the bad/challenges, they are a huge help! I get excited when I see an interpreter on TV for press briefings, at a concert, or anywhere really! I appreciate their effort in helping my community to be inclusive.

Deaf role models

Who was your role model? Were they deaf too?

Growing up in a rural area of Upstate New York didn’t give me the opportunity to meet Deaf adults to look up to. So who did I look up to? I knew of Marlee Matlin, the famous deaf actress and Heather Whitestone, first deaf Miss America. So that’s who I looked up to as a child. Both are two Deaf women on polar opposite of the spectrum. 

Marlee Matlin is a well known Deaf actress and activist today. Her performance in the movie ‘Children of a Lesser God’ in 1986 earned her an Academy Award and Golden Globe award. She had acted in several movies and TV shows since then, which included ‘Switched at Birth’ and the recent released ‘CODA’ movie. Matlin released a book ‘Deaf Child Crossing’ during my pre-teen years, early 2000s. I was in awe of her ability as a Deaf person being in Hollywood. I wished that there were MORE famous Deaf people.

Credit: Marlee Matlin’s instagram.

Heather Whitestone was the first Deaf woman to win Miss America in 1995. I was too young to understand at the time about Miss America and beauty pageants. I had learned about her afterwards. During my pre-teen years, she was doing a lot of work with Starkey Hearing Aid Foundation as their spokesperson. I wrote to her (the snail mail way!) about my deafness and how impressed I was with her accomplishments with Miss America.

Credit: Heather Whitestone McCallum’s instagram.

Marlee and Heather lost their hearing at 18 months due to illness. They identified themselves as Deaf but were on the opposite side of the spectrum. What does that mean exactly? In the present day, Marlee Matlin is a strong advocate of using American Sign Language (ASL). Although I do need to point out that she has the ability to speak and previously (maybe still currently?) wore hearing aids during my childhood years. Heather Silverstone grew up orally/verbal. She didn’t use sign language until her senior year in high school. Heather was more mainstreamed in the hearing world, even getting her cochlear implants in her adulthood. 

During my childhood, we didn’t have Internet where I could’ve had an easy access to many other Deaf role models that were out there. My mom clipped newspaper articles during my childhood to show me anything about Deaf people. I started seeing more and more of Deaf examples in my late teens years/college years. The media started having more exposure of the Deaf community. The TV show ‘Switched at Birth’ really opened many eyes about the Deaf culture. 

In my small town in Upstate New York, there were a few Deaf adults but I didn’t have many interactions with them. I did attend some meetings when I was in my high school years. I didn’t find a connection with them back then. There weren’t many others that I could relate to, so it was difficult to find role models, famous or regular folks, to really look up to. I might’ve had Marlee and Heather to look up to, but I didn’t want the same exact goals as them. I did learn that their Deafness didn’t stop them from achieving their goals so that is what was inspiring to me as a kid. 

While I was at college in Rochester, Marlee Matlin released a book ‘I’ll Scream Later’ in 2009. As part of the book release, she toured several cities which included a stop in Rochester. It was surreal to meet her at my college in person after idolizing her my entire childhood. I was so starstruck that when it was my turn for her to sign my book, I froze. I didn’t know what to say! I didn’t say a word! She smiled warmly and thanked me for coming. Oh, how I wish I could go back now and say everything. How she inspired me to achieve the impossible. Don’t let my deafness stop me from my passions. How she gave me that hope that Deaf can do it. Maybe someday again I will get that chance!

When I met Marlee Matlin at RIT, 2008.

Now, it’s different with social media and technology gaining more accessibility to Deaf kids today. They know about Deaf role models out there who are singers, artists, business owners, performers, etc. The kids have their pick now on who to look up to. I’m glad that there are more successful Deaf people out there to be that role model for a Deaf kid to look up to!

CODA movie - Dad's verison

****SPOILER ALERT: If you intend on watching this movie you may want to wait to read this!****

I remember shedding tears watching the end of Brian’s Song, Terms of Endearment and even Bambi.  I experienced strong emotions throughout CODA! I don’t usually stay for the credits but needed to! This was quite different for me! I realize this movie touched others as well!

As Kelly explained this movie is about a hearing girl with deaf parents and brother. She is challenged to balance her life deciding what she wants and assisting her family. There were so many scenes that I could also relate to as a parent of a deaf daughter.

In the beginning of the movie the parents showed up at the school playing music very loud. This way they can feel the vibrations. This obviously caught the attention of the hearing kids who laughed and ridiculed them. The daughter defended them with no success. Deafness is not visible! We can relate…. as a teenager Kelly was returning a grocery cart to the corral for her mother. A man yelled to Kelly from behind that he would use the cart. Kelly not hearing did not react and put it away. He then threw up his arms in haste & with a very angry face mumbled something. Diane seeing this, informed him that she is deaf! Not so calmly!

At one point the daughter in the movie expressed herself as “I am exhausted”! This was used in context of being torn between helping her family and developing her life. Her family’s demands were so great (doctor appt, court and negotiating for their business) she had missed  her commitments. Kelly has expressed frustration with her family members who sign in group situations. Especially around the holidays! She misses so many conversations and it is difficult for the interpreter to determine what conversation to interpret.

Kelly mentioned in her review that during the school recital the director turned off the sound. The film scanned back and forth with all the happenings but the silence was overwhelming! The deaf parents’ heads were moving back and forth to try to understand what was going on around them! This put all viewers in the place of the deaf characters. Wow! This was a great approach to give you the feeling of their daily life.

The family returned home after the recital. The father and daughter were outside. He was asking questions about the song she performed. He asked her to sing it to him. She obliged and he put his hand on her throat! She seemed surprised but realized he wanted to feel her voice! Kelly started at a school when she was a year old. They worked with Diane and Kelly on her speech. Mirroring mouth movement for repetitive sounds. I remember putting Kelly’s tiny hand on my throat and repeating sounds. I remember her face. Kelly always showed amazing facial expressions as a toddler!

Toward the end of the movie the daughter was auditioning for admission to a prestigious music school. Her family was not allowed in her performance but found their way to the balcony. They entered quietly not to tip off they were there. She started her performance of “Both Sides Now” by Joni Michell  and she saw them. She started to sign the song about 1/3 of the way directly to her family! This confused the staff evaluating her until they realized her family was there.  The irony of the song was well represented to the struggles she had. She fell back into her role as interpreter where she should be individually focused. You could see the love she had for her family!

“Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

Looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and they snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way”

Looking at things from Both Sides Now is a constant effort! Understanding one’s perception may not be what you actually see. This movie really made me think! I hope more opportunities come for these people to express their views of the world!

Please watch this movie! I am sorry to give details before seeing it but I wanted to reference these moment to my personal experience. 

CODA movie

In mid-August, there was a new movie making a splash. Apple+ released ‘CODA’ starring Marlee Matlin.  The term CODA stands for Child of Deaf Adult[s] so it was a movie portraying a life of a CODA. The movie was selected to be shown in limited theaters. I was thrilled that Mystic Luxury Cinemas was one of the theaters to feature the movie. I haven’t gone to the movie theaters in 6 years! While in Rochester, the movie theaters had a limited schedule of when movies would play with open captions (subtitles that appears on the screen). In 2013, the movie theaters moved to offering closed-captioning glasses. It is an accessibility tool, 3-D glasses that have captioning. It appears when you wear the glasses while watching the movie. 

It should’ve been a win, right? Except the captioning glasses are a nuisance. The 3-D glasses have two large boxes on the side which are bulky and heavy! Each time I went to the movies, I found myself leaving with a headache and sore neck. The glasses were so heavy that it always left an imprint on my nose bridge and on the sides of my face. While wearing the glasses, I had to stay still and laser focus on the movie screen to see the captions. If I looked over to a person’s face, the captions would be on their face. Sometimes the color of the movie screen washed out the captions (they’re yellow) so I would have to tilt my head down to the dark area under the screen. It was difficult to go back and forth from reading the captions under the screen to looking at the screen. Going to the movies wasn’t relaxing any more.  

Posing with the movie poster while signing “I Love You”

‘CODA’ made a move to have burnt in captions on all movies. No matter what, no matter where, everyone could go to the movie theaters and be included with everyone. I was thrilled that I finally had the chance to go to the movies and be comfortable! Especially Mystic Luxury Cinemas, a theater I’ve never been to, had luxury reclining chairs. It was so comfy! I enjoyed it so much that I went back a second time myself one rainy day. 

Before the release of ‘CODA’, I had some hesitance about how good the movie would be. How many Deaf movies do you know out there? Really only one well known movie… ‘Children of a Lesser God’ filmed in 1986, because Marlee Matlin won an Academy Award for her role. Since then, not many movies were made focusing on Deaf characters. Instead, many of them were in the background or played a role with less talking. I was nervous about this movie, if it would have actual representation of the Deaf community. Hollywood also was known to not cast Deaf actors for Deaf roles, which is still being fought for to this day. I had learned that when the director of ‘CODA’ shared the idea of the movie, she was turned down at first because she wanted Deaf actors. She fought to cast Deaf people and ended up getting her way! The Deaf actors casted in ‘CODA' were Marlee Matlin (Deaf mom/Jackie), Troy Kotsur (Deaf dad/Frank), and Daniel Durant (Deaf brother/Leo).

Now, my movie review for ‘CODA’ gets 5 out of 5 stars! It was amazing. I just loved it. I mean, you can’t beat the New England setting which was filmed in Gloucester, Massachusetts. And the fact that the movie focused on a Deaf family. The main character was a CODA girl attending high school, pursuing her music goals while working in the fishing business with her Deaf family. I thought it was a good representation of the Deaf community. Just a reminder, there are so many sub-categories within the Deaf community so obviously the movie couldn’t fit in each and every one of them. The movie showed the reality of the Deaf family’s life, even beyond the deafness. It normalized the Deaf family as a small business owner and in other activities such as going to the bar and drinking, Tinder scrolling, sibling banters, sexual activities and more. It focused on the relationship of the CODA with her Deaf family and the hearing world. 

I loved how there were a few scenes throughout the movie that I could relate to; the interpreter issues for one. CODA’s are often interpreting for their parents because many hearing people see them as available and free. The hearing people take advantage of that, so it has caused many CODA’s to have to grow up faster because they shouldered that responsibility of providing accessibility for their parents. Ruby, the main character, was interpreting at meetings, negotiating fish prices, in court and doctor appointments for her parents. The movie didn’t speak about the accessibility issues with finding an interpreter, but it portrayed the Deaf parents as people relying on a family member. I knew that I relied on my hearing family (and even friends!) while growing up. I’ve always felt like a burden to others. The issue is that I wasn’t given that chance to be independent and speak for myself just like the Deaf parents/brother weren’t in the movie.  

Jackie, the Deaf mom expressed her thoughts with Ruby towards the end of the movie about her reaction to Ruby being hearing. I am not a mother yet, but hopefully someday. I have fears of being a parent of a CODA. Even through my husband is hearing, the child still would be labeled as a CODA because of me (Deaf mom). I know how to do things as a Deaf person, so how do I do some things with a hearing kid? Jackie described the fear as feeling a disconnection. Would my child prefer to use sign language to speak with me? Would my child find me annoying later on in life because of my deafness? I grew up feeling like a burden on my family and worried that my brother resented me. I don’t want that with my kids.  

Another thing that struck a chord with me throughout the movie was Leo constantly trying to prove himself. I didn’t realize how much I grew up focusing on proving everyone wrong. There were so many stereotypes of Deaf people that I didn’t want to be victim of. I worked so hard in school to get far in life. Watching Leo wanting that independence and everyone else to respect him just hit me in the feels. I wanted that respect from everyone too. I want them to think I have the ability to do anything! While growing up, everyone focused on my brother or friends around me, instead of looking at me as an individual. If someone wanted to say something to me, they would look to them to interpret for me instead of writing it down. In restaurants, it was them that servers would look to. I felt like I always had to prove myself, even to this day, I find myself still doing that. 

I enjoyed how the movie tried to show some aspects of being Deaf. The one scene that also struck a chord with me, was the concert. The Deaf family went to the concert for Ruby to support her. Ruby and her classmates sang the first song while the Deaf family had no idea of what was being sung, if it was enjoyable, etc. It showed them having small talks about their surroundings or thinking about dinner plans. It made me laugh because I do that! I always find myself people-watching at events without accessibility. The second song that Ruby sang, the movie cut off the sound and made all viewers live through a few moments of a Deaf person’s life. I hope that really makes the viewers think about that! It was a powerful moment. 

Do I have criticism for the movie? Of course, no movie is perfect. Instead, I want to focus that there was even a movie made about the Deaf community and put the spotlight on CODA. We all in the Deaf community so much deserve that. I hope that many people watch it (it’s still playing in selected theaters, but available to everyone on Apple+ TV). I went to see the movie twice at the theater, and both times it made me feel so good to see other people there. I was in disbelief that the theater was more than half full. I was expecting sparse audiences. The people also varied from elderly, families, couples and even some came alone. It made me feel so good. These people were willing to watch a movie about my world!

My family fingerspelling ‘C-O-D-A’ in the movie theater.

My years as a Deaf first responder

Happy EMS (Emergency Medical Services) Week!

It is a week that occurs annually in mid May. Honoring EMS for all that they do. It is a bittersweet time for me, as I reflect on my experiences with the volunteer ambulance organization. I have learned a lot from these years.

Some background first, while I was in Rochester, NY I was on the track of joining the fire department after meeting a deaf firefighter. I knew I always had a passion for the emergency field. I went on a few ride alongs with the fire department, which I learned a lot especially about the tools that the deaf firefighter used. Unfortunately I didn’t live in the town of that fire department so I had to go to the neighboring fire department. I met another deaf firefighter there which again, I went on a couple ride alongs. I was about to join officially when a new bylaw was passed that any member of the fire department would have to pass a hearing test with the radio communications. At the same time, my passion for the criminal justice system was increasing as I was majoring in the classes. I spent a lot time with lawyers at the court houses so I decided to pursue this path. 

When I moved to Connecticut, it was impossible for me to stay in the criminal justice field. This is when I decided to re-visit the fire department idea. I met a female volunteer who gave me a tour and explained how the fire department also housed the ambulance organization. She was a dual member of both, so she was helpful in sharing all the information. I decided to try the ambulance organization. I officially joined, after being voted in. I remember I was nervous about other members having some hesitancy about having a deaf responder. At the time, I felt welcomed. 

My pup visited me one night while I was on duty.

I requested to be a driver, which I was told that I had to be certified in CPR and EMR (emergency medical responder) first. I also thought it would be worthwhile to see all aspects on the ride alongs first to solidify that I wanted to be a driver. In the beginning, it was challenging to find a crew for me to ride with. 

Once a crew was found for me to ride with, I followed someone who was a dual driver/EMT. I acted as an assistant, carrying equipments and doing whatever they asked me. I spent most of time observing and learning. After a couple years of doing the ride alongs, I felt ready to start the process of being a driver but I was still not EMR certified. 

I asked a few times about the training/classes but I wasn’t told when they would be offered. I continued to ride on the ride alongs, but I started to stay with the driver only. I would ride up front with the driver. When the EMTs brought patients into the hospital, I would restock/clean the rig with the driver. I was quickly getting burnt out with doing scut work when I wanted to advance in my driver training. 

On some of the medical calls, it was ALS (advanced life support) so a paramedic traveling in a medical truck (employed by the hospital) would meet us at the scene. The paramedic would ride in the back of the rig. Sometimes a firefighter will drive the truck to the firehouse, the ambulance will bring the paramedic back to the truck after the transport. If there happened to be an extra crew member on the ambulance, they could drive the truck following the ambulance to the hospital. One call, the paramedic asked me to drive. It was a big moment for me! I felt responsible, trustworthy, and really good! 

Ambulance rig and medical truck (the one that I drove several times) parked at the hospital.

The same paramedic quickly took me under his wings on the calls. I started riding in the back to the rig if he was there. He showed me how to start up the heart monitor machine, get the supplies together and ready for him to use, etc. I felt motivated again! We had a long conversation off duty one day about my goals, as well my frustration about being certified. He stepped up, continued to show me how to do things to my abilities and allowed me to try more things. One of most rewarding experiences the paramedic allowed me to try was administrating narcan. It was a couple weeks after getting trained in narcan, that we had a drug overdose call. The paramedic was already on scene and gave the patient the first round of narcan. I had just told the paramedic the previous week that I got the training and he remembered. He told me to ‘come over here and do it’. I was terrified! It was amazing feeling that I actually did something physically life saving. 

I met another paramedic from the same hospital through a mass causality training exercise. The exercise had multiple departments participation. I wasn’t able to do a lot with the lack of certifications. I followed around a few people, feeling helpless and frustrated. I knew that I had the abilities to do some tasks. The paramedic never met me before this day, so when I was placed in the back of the rig with her, she didn’t realize that I was deaf. It didn’t stop her from telling me to get the patients’ information (there was 4 ‘fake’ patients with us). I froze because I’ve never did that basic step! This was 3 years in of being a volunteer with the ambulance organization. I was embarrassed but it turned into a training session for me to learn how to do this step. The ‘fake patients’ were very willing to help out, writing via paper and pen (of course I know this would be unrealistic in real emergent situations) but the point was these 5 people took the time to focus on me to learn something that day. I felt very accomplished.

A selfie after completing a call.

This is when I felt like I wasn’t being advocated well enough to try more tasks on the ride alongs enough that both paramedics saw that. I realized how much I was being held back from furthering. On the other hand, I was voted the scheduling officer within first year of being a volunteer. I was responsible for assembling shifts, finding coverages, maintaining updated rosters and assemble coverage for special events. The members were very accommodating with me in my position as the scheduling officer by texting or emailing me. As the time went on, it was getting difficult to do one task which was assigning new incoming members to their mentors. I watched them move up the ranks much faster than me. I felt like other mentors devoted their time to educate them. It wasn’t fair to me. I felt stuck and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I felt that they only saw my skills limited to administrative duties. I really wanted to further my training to get certified and actual help people out in the field. 

After being a volunteer for 3 years, the local newspaper contacted the director of the ambulance organization wanting to do an article on me. I was thrilled that they thought I was newsworthy and saw this as a great opportunity to show everyone that DEAF CAN! I also felt conflicted, because I couldn’t brag about all the tasks that I knew I was capable of that I wasn’t doing. When the article was published, I received so many praise from family, friends, coworkers and the community. I was proud but also frustrated. 

The professional photo from the article.

The article gained so much attention from outside of the region, including other deaf responders. I got in touch with a few from New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Ohio, Maine, Massachusetts and more. Two deaf firefighters from Connecticut had contacted me too, after talking to them about our limitations, I realized that I was really limited! 

It motivated me to start asking questions about why I wasn’t close to my goal of being a driver. I was finally given a reason… ‘insurance liability’. I got in touch with a disability lawyer who had a deaf husband working as an EMT in Washington D.C. so she was very aware about disability laws. She was very helpful in guiding me with what next steps to take. I contacted the insurance agency that the town had a contract with, which he refused to share the information but forwarded my inquiry to the town mayor. 

The town mayor invited me in for a meeting. When I joined the ambulance, it was a different mayor at the time but the assistant was same person who had been there for the original meeting (that I wasn’t aware of) to determine whether I would be allowed to drive. The mayor explained that he was summarized about this by his assistant and stated that ‘insurance liability’ never was an issue. AND that I was allowed to drive as long there was reasonable accommodation. I was baffled. Wait, what?! My mouth literally dropped to the floor. I came to the meeting with my sleeves rolled up prepared for a fight only to feel that I wasted my time. I left the meeting in disbelief, beyond frustrated, embarrassed and defeated.

I had to really analyze if this was something worthwhile to fight for. Did I have passion for this? I went to the monthly executive board meeting (as the scheduling officer), the training officer who had been at the meeting with the mayor had already taken the steps to research tools for the reasonable accommodations. I had felt sad for that week so when I saw what he had done, I felt supported. He saw my abilities and wanted to help. This is exactly what I had needed.

I finished cleaning the rig and was waiting for my crew.

I went on a few more ride alongs and resigned from the scheduling officer position. I started to find out more and more. When I first joined, there had been an executive board meeting to decide about my request to be a driver. Why wasn’t I present to advocate myself? How would anyone know what resources were available? I’ve lived my entire life deaf, so I knew better than anyone. I also got the impression that the organization might’ve been concerned about the financial aspect of supporting me. Eventually, I took a leave of absence to see if my heart was still in it. After 3 months, I officially resigned. 

It is very likely that I was the first deaf person for the majority to meet. I hope they learned that I was capable of doing anything. I hope in the future, they can be open minded, allow others to grow and support them in their goals. If you are in a position to support someone like me to accomplish their goals, be that person! You want to be remembered as someone who helped, not someone who didn’t help. Nothing more rewarding than that.

Resigning was the most difficult decision because I felt that I failed. I was so hurt. I felt betrayed. The 4 years would’ve been so different if I knew right at the beginning about the reasonable accommodation. I had invested a lot of my time to respond to those calls and attend all the meetings to not get the results I had aimed for. This is not the story I had hope to write about. I wish this was a successful deaf role model story for others to be inspired by, but I know in my heart that I tried. I try to not look at this experiences as a waste of time, because I did gain a lot from the experiences. I met many people in the field who taught me things, learned about myself and met some life long friends. 

I attended the CT EMS Expo annually, one year I met the crew of Nightwatch TV show (based in New Orleans, LA).

Summary: Deaf and Employment

Over the last month and a half, I published a 6 part series focusing on my experience with employment. Many had asked me to share these experiences, such as what it is like to go on interviews or what it is like to work in a hearing dominated environment. I was asked to share this a few years ago. Why did it take so long for me to share? I had a lot of hesitancy to publish any of those posts. I felt like each post was so negative. I’m not typically the kind of person to be excessive and pessimistic.

So why did I decide to do it? I felt that it was important to share these experiences from the perspective of a Deaf person. It is such a challenging task for any Deaf person to seek or obtain employment. My experiences are my own, but it is similar to so many other Deaf people’s experiences. We are often faced with rejection and discrimination. Deaf people are hesitant to share with the employer about the deafness prior to interviews because of the fears they have. I shared this hesitance in Part 2 of the series. My Deaf friends have shared that their interviews sometimes were suddenly cancelled when an interpreter was requested. They were told that the job had been filled. The attitude of the employer often drives away the Deaf candidates. When the companies are wary of hiring a Deaf candidate, it’s because they assume that the Deaf candidate will be a burden with their accommodations and the costs of it. Even if the Deaf candidate got hired, some still face hostility from coworkers.

One main issue that I faced from a few of my jobs was that I couldn’t climb up the ladder as a Deaf person. I felt stuck. I’m a dedicated worker who has the loyalty to stay as long as possible. It was difficult for me to leave each job because I felt like I failed. I know what I am capable of doing and that I deserve to considered for internal growth. When I don’t have the ability to grow in a role, it affects my self esteem.

Seeking employment affects my self esteem! Working in my employment affects my self esteem! Why am I never good enough? This is what I often feel. I attended a prestigious college and received a bachelor’s degree. How do you think it makes me feel when Kohl’s thought I was only capable of unloading the truck for 4 hours a week? Do you know how much work I put into RIT earning the bachelor’s degree? It bothered me so much upon my graduation from RIT, to see my fellow classmates succeeding in the criminal justice field. I invested so much of my time at RIT in the classes, being the Vice President of my criminal justice club, attending informal meetings and much more. My bachelor’s degree in criminal justice DIDN’T MATTER. It was hard for me to be working in jobs where a college degree wasn’t even required. I felt like I put in all of that effort at RIT, only to have this as my reward? Why can’t anyone see what I’m capable of?

My deafness has nothing to do with the job, it’s just a part of me. It’s part of me just like a pair of glasses or hearing aids is to you. I’m always working extra to prove myself to everyone, trying to educate, and helping to ease the fears with communication barriers. This puts more pressure on me to accomplish the best. I know what I am capable of. When I am given a task, I am very dedicated to get it completed. I am very loyal. I accept feedback and work even harder. I hope that someday someone sees my full potential!

My goal from sharing the 6 parts series is to EDUCATE. I hope that if you are someone in that kind of position with the authority to hire, to meet everyone with an open mind. Do not assume what they are capable of. Let them tell you about themselves and their abilities. I believe that everyone at some point has been judged by others, right? It sure isn’t a great feeling so don’t do that to us! Also it will be worthwhile to be that person to help a Deaf person grow by offering opportunities or creating a chapter for them in their lives. Don’t you want to be remembered as that person who helped?

Part 1: The employment challenges of the Deaf.

Part 2: The search in CT.

Part 3: American School for the Deaf.

Part 4: TSA.

Part 5: The continued search.

Part 6: My journey as a Deaf Paraprofessional.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other Deaf members.

Meet Mr. Kelly

In a recent blog, I talked about the challenges of being deaf and dating. I left off stating that a Part II would be coming. Does that mean I have someone in my life?!

(In the Michelle Tanner voice) You got it dude.

I met my first serious boyfriend at RIT. I was in Political Science class with him. He waved to me at a hockey game then friend requested me on Facebook. Two days later, I saw him walking in front of the on-campus store so I jokingly honked my horn at him thinking he wouldn’t recognize me since it was night time, only to go home 20 minutes later to a Facebook message from him, “Was that you that honked at me tonight??” That conversation turned into a 3 hour long conversation. He asked me out to a coffee date after class the following day. THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER! He didn’t know any ASL. He didn’t understand a word that I said. I couldn’t lip read him at all. It was very awkward. There were a lot of “huh?” “what?” before I took out my phone. He responded back by doing the same. I remember sitting there thinking can this end already?

That night after our awful first date, we had another 3 hour long conversation online. We kept having many long conversations online. I started to really like this guy so much from our conversations but it bothered me that he didn’t know ASL. I was really hoping he’d be willing to learn. The first couple weeks, we did need to communicate on our phones in person. We were once approached at Panera Bread by an elderly man who asked us what game we were playing on our phones!

Two weeks later, he had to travel out of country for a school trip. Before he left, he took me to the bookstore to help find some ASL books. I picked out this basic beginner ASL book. Upon his return, he had LEARNED the entire book. I was so impressed! Another two weeks later, I brought him home to meet the family. He bragged proudly to my parents how he was learning ASL and showed off some signs. He observed my family signing to learn more (even my dad’s homemade signs!) I was worried that his interest in ASL would eventually tamper off but it never did.

It turned into a 10 year long relationship.

So this is “Mr. Kelly”.

We dated for the rest of the year until he graduated from RIT. He moved back to his home state of Connecticut. Now you all know the reason I am in New England! I had one more year of college so we had a long distance relationship. That was the toughest time EVER! I fell in love for the first time within 3 months of dating him. I missed him terribly. I visited him during all of my breaks. After my graduation, I lived in Connecticut for the summer. It was one of the best summers. I went back to Rochester because I had a job with Probation. I worked there until the New Year so I didn’t move back to Connecticut until January 2012.

Unfortunately the first year wasn’t a great. Living in Connecticut was extremely challenging. I had to adjust to living in a new state, away from the only home I ever knew in Upstate NY, far away from my family. I wasn’t happy with my employment after an amazing job with Probation. I struggled a lot to make a permanent life in CT. I felt alone without my family and friends. A deaf community was non existent in my area. I was unhappy. This affected our relationship. After some soul searching, I realized I wanted him in my life.

Despite the tough first year in CT, it made us stronger and our relationship grew. We fell in love even more. He is an amazing guy who set the bar really high! My family adored him. We started going on adventures around New England which helped me to truly appreciate life with him. We bought a home together then adopted our Dalmatian. I finally knew he was the one.

He proposed to me around Christmas time in my hometown. It was such a memorable moment! We just celebrated our 5 years anniversary the month before, I thought that the proposal would happen then (as did everyone else!). My dad sent us to a store to pick up some “glasses”, which was a ploy for my then-boyfriend to have the moment to propose to me. He signed the whole proposal speech!

We got married 9 months later on one of the Finger Lakes in Upstate NY. It down poured on our wedding day but we still had the most amazing day! Our Dalmatian was in the wedding party. We celebrated with our closest family and friends. We had an officiant that was fluent in American Sign Language (she also was my professor at RIT!) so she was able to verbally talk/sign at same time during our ceremony! During the dating years, he signed the song “Just The Way You Are” by Bruno Mars while we were shopping at the mall so we used that for our first song to dance to as a married couple.

Now you don’t have to wonder who my Instagram husband is!

First family photo with B.

Newly engaged!

Newport, Rhode Island.

Bar Harbor, Maine.

Engagement photo session in Mystic, Connecticut.

Our wedding day!

Kennebunkport, Maine.

Ireland.

Deaf and Dating

Dating is an adventure for everyone. It was especially hard for me because of communication barriers. I mentioned that I grew up in mainstreamed school. My only options for dating were the hearing guys. How do I approach them? How do I let them know that I have a crush on them? Will they learn American Sign Language (ASL) for me? It was challenging to develop friendships so dating was even harder.

I was lucky to have a cute “first boyfriend” story. In 3rd grade, I became best friends with a male hearing classmate. I don’t remember how we communicated back then during classes. I think it might’ve been all writing. Our school had an annual event where we write notes to anyone in the school. During that annual event in 4th grade, he wrote me a note. The note said “Dear Kelly, do you love me or not. If you do just give me your phone number and address. Your secret admirer. The boy now sits across from you. The first letter in his name is R.” Stinking adorable, right? It was an innocent elementary school crush but I was impressed how he made the effort and didn’t see me as a deaf person if he asked for a phone number! I ended up giving him what he asked for and we would play together after school. For my birthday, he gave me a Spice Girls (I was obsessed with them!) watch. Unfortunately when I moved to a new school, I lost touch with him. Looking back at this, even through it was innocent elementary school crush, I was impressed how my deafness didn’t stop him from having a crush on me.

In middle school, relationships were forming everywhere around me. I had many crushes. It was difficult for me to have a boyfriend. Many boys were shy or nervous about my deafness. They were old enough to know that it would be a challenge. I didn’t have any boyfriends in middle school, but I did have a long time crush on one particular boy that I played with on the co-ed soccer team. We flirted, we passed notes, and we hung out at lunch during school. He never learned ASL. I had a feeling that he had a crush on me but didn’t know how to have a relationship with a deaf person. This went on for a good 2 years. In the last year of middle school I met a boy that attended another school across town. I met him through my cousin, they had played baseball together. This was the second guy to directly tell me that he had a crush on me. Our relationship was entirely online through AOL instant messenger, we saw each other a few times in person. It was difficult to continue because we lived on different sides of the town. It only lasted 6 months but it was a great feeling to finally be liked back. I really crushed on him because he saw past my deafness. It was rare to find guys to do that. We did get back together for a short fling in high school but it ended because of communication barriers. Despite him seeing past my deafness, he didn’t learn ASL. It was so easy to talk with him online but in person was another story.

High school was very similar to middle school. It was difficult to get past any communication barriers when it came to dating. Any bonds I had with guys were friendships. I attended a summer camp at RIT/NTID the year before my senior year of high school. The summer camp was a 6-days exploration program for college-bound seniors. Everyone who attended the program was deaf or hard of hearing. I met a guy during the camp that turned into a long distance relationship for a year. This was my first deaf boyfriend. It was an interesting experience to not have the communication issues. He understood the deaf struggles so it was easy to connect on that. The only challenge with our relationship was that he lived outside of Chicago, Illinois. It made me different from my friends who had their boyfriends/girlfriends locally. It was tough to be long distance but I was glad to have a boyfriend when all of my friends had boyfriends/girlfriends. He came to visit me over Christmas break then I went to his prom in spring time. I flew at 17 years old to Chicago on my own! That was quite the experience. I did had an incident when I missed my layover in Detroit, Michigan because I couldn’t find someone to communicate with to help me find the gate. I passed a note to multiple agents with no luck. I eventually made it to Chicago 3 hours late than my original arrival time. I was terrified to travel alone but I did it! We both were RIT/NTID bound in the fall, but broke up during summer because we wanted to explore college independently.

I thought dating wouldn’t be so difficult during college with wide options of both hearing and deaf guys. At least the hearing guys at RIT would be aware of the deaf community and potentially know some ASL. Nope! I faced the same difficulty. I dated several hearing guys. We would go out to dinners, attend hockey games, movie nights, etc. The one thing they had in common was that none of them was willing to learn ASL. How did it worked then? It was all writing, texting on our phones or gesturing. After a while they would understand my “deaf accent”. I decided during my second year that I won’t date any more hearing guys who weren’t willing to learn ASL. It was too much work for me!

I’ve had relationships that were communicated entirely on the computer or phone (texting). I was surprised how the guys were OK with that. I didn’t enjoy that we were completely silent when we were hanging out in person. It was awkward! I dated a hearing guy once during college that took me to a hearing dominant party. I sat there for a while not interacting until a hearing guy who knew sign language approached me. He flirted so bad with me which made the guy I was dating jealous! However, when I was with him and his friends, it was impossible to lip read several people at same time. He didn’t know ASL so how could he help to interpret for me? That relationship was very short lived because of that.

It didn’t help my self esteem when I didn’t have guys willing to learn sign language to talk with me. I felt not good enough or liked enough. If they liked me so much, why wouldn’t they learn? Many of you probably are wondering by now, why not just date deaf guys? I dated very few deaf guys during college. None of them ever got serious. The problem is that the deaf community was so small, deaf guys were slim pickings. You may be surprised too, but it was difficult to find deaf guys that came from mainstreamed lifestyle. I preferred those guys in particular because it was difficult to connect with deaf guys who came from a strong deaf background. Some of them had too much pride to even date someone like me who wasn’t “deaf enough”. I dated a hearing guy with deaf connections, so he was fluent in ASL. It was really easy to communicate with him. I felt that I was able to get to know him a lot more than other hearing guys I dated.

I noticed it was pretty common among my deaf mainstreamed friends to date hearing people. I don’t know if it was because we came from mainstreamed lifestyles, hearing people were our norm. Deaf and hearing relationships however had a very high rate of breakups/divorces due to communication issues. It’s a lot of pressure already in the beginning of any relationship to have communication to work. I knew that I needed a guy who was willing to put in the effort. If he’s not willing to put in the effort to communicate with me, how would that relationship be successful? I broke up with a hearing guy that I was dating and his response was “Well, it probably was for the best. It wouldn’t have worked with us with the communication issues anyways”. I was baffled at the response. He never once learned sign language. He missed out on knowing me because he didn’t take the time to put in the effort. Seeing this happening so frequently with me and many other deaf people, I only feel sorry for hearing people who were too scared to try. They possibly missed out on a great person in their life. I was mad that I struggled with self esteem over this but I knew my worth. I learned to feel sorry for any guys who missed the opportunity to know me because they let my deafness get in the way!

In my 3rd year of college, I had a traumatizing dating experience. I was talking with a hearing guy that grew up in the same hometown and attended same high school. He didn’t know ASL. This became an incident when communication issues put me in a danger situation. He locked me in his room alone and I was very uncomfortable. I started to freak out and frantically gestured to him that I needed to go. It took a while before he understood. I was fortunate that nothing happened but I was shaken to the core. I was wondering is he going to hurt me? I left immediately and felt stupid. I blamed myself. I blamed my deafness. It was communication issues that got me into this incident. He reached out to me after to apologize and told me that he signed up for ASL classes. It was too late for him. I didn’t appreciate the position that he had put me in so I ended all communications with him.

It wasn’t fun for me to date but it did teach me a lot. I learned about what I wanted out of a relationship and focused on the important qualities that I wanted from that right person. I faced many rejections based on my deafness so I knew communication was first priority whenever I met someone. At times, it actually felt like I had to settle for less but I’m so glad I didn’t! Stay tuned for Part II.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Deaf identity

There are a lot of struggles with being deaf in a hearing world, but also within our own deaf community. Unfortunately it is challenging to find my place in the deaf community even as a deaf individual.

I mentioned in the cochlear implants blog that there are many subgroups of the deaf community. I learned about them when I attended college at RIT (which also had a college for the deaf - National Technical Institute for the Deaf - NTID). During my childhood, I was mainstreamed with all hearing peers so I never truly found my identity until college.

NTID was more of a community college helping deaf students to earn associate degrees. The goal after associate degrees is to either enroll in a bachelors degree program at RIT or transfer to another university for further education. The majority of deaf students were accepted through NTID, but very few were able to transfer into RIT immediately on enrollment depending on their academic success. I spent my first term in NTID then I was enrolled into RIT under the criminal justice program. I was one of three deaf students in the program at the time. Sometimes I would have them in my classes and sometimes I would be the only one. It was more difficult for me to socialize with my deaf peers being mainstreamed again, I had to go seek them out.

For this reason, in my first year of college, I decided to join a deaf sorority. I wanted deaf “girlfriends” so that I could have shopping buddies, I wanted to do all the girly things that I missed out on during childhood and find my future bridesmaids. This helped me to be involved in the deaf world at RIT. Many girls came from all kinds of deaf lives so I learned a lot from them. The sorority was involved in a lot of activities and events at NTID, I was able to socialize with my deaf peers outside the sorority as well. I also learned so much about my deaf culture from my sisters, I never knew there was a famous deaf rapper who happened to be married to my big-big sister’s biological sister - Sean Forbes. I was amazed when we went to one of his concerts and saw him rapping in sign language! The sorority had about 50-60 sisters so there were still “cliques” of girls (mostly based on the subgroups of the deaf community that I had discussed). It was still difficult for me to find my place. I formed a friendship with one who became my best friend who I did everything with. I was disappointed that I didn’t leave with a group of girlfriends as I hoped but I did leave with a lot experiences because of them. The sorority gave me a huge start in exploring my identity.

Another factor that helped me to find my identity was my deaf best friend that I met at a summer camp, before attending RIT. My best friend actually is a Rhode Islander (I had NO idea that I would eventually be a New Englander!). We did everything together in the first two years of college. He taught me a lot about the deaf culture and community. We had a different school upbringing but yet we clicked so well. He attended a deaf institute in Rhode Island before coming to RIT. I saw his self confidence as a deaf individual which helped me to build up mine. When we would go places, I would see him confidently talking to people using his voice or writing (this was in the days before notes were available on phones). He wasn’t afraid to try. He was a very sociable person, and as I was a shy person, that helped me to come out of my shell.

I had a turbulent time during college figuring out where I belonged. I HATED Rochester. Not kidding. I felt like I wasn’t fitting into any groups. I got homesick. I went home every weekend in my 2nd & 3rd year of college. This didn’t help my social life in the middle of my RIT years. I realized that I didn’t appreciate the friends that I did have. I closed them off. Luckily for me, some of them were still there at the end. It was a long difficult journey but I did finally accepted myself as a deaf individual.

That time finally came for me in my final year at RIT. It was the greatest feeling. I spent my whole childhood wondering why I was chosen to be different. Being in Rochester changed that perspective for me. It was the closest to a “normal” life that I could ever have. Rochester is much more accessible for the deaf community. Going out to public places was comfortable, hearing people were aware of us. They were used to knowing how to communicate with us and familiar with our “deaf accents”. It was normal to sit at a red light in traffic and see deaf people signing in the car next to you. It was normal to see deaf people signing at Wegman’s while grocery shopping. It was normal for a deaf person to drive right up to the drive-thru window to place an order. There were even deaf professionals in the community such as veterinarians, counselors, dentists, etc. I didn’t feel different at all. I felt at HOME in Rochester.

Why would I move away from Rochester?

I get that question PRETTY OFTEN, even today. I moved to Connecticut shortly after my graduation. Honestly, I did not want to leave Rochester at first. I realized in 2017 that I wanted to stay in New England. As difficult as it was to leave Rochester, the only thing I truly loved about Rochester was feeling that normality but my heart was destined to be near the shoreline.

Moving to Connecticut was an another challenge to start all over in the deaf community. Unfortunately, I am in a “dry spot” in CT, where a deaf community is almost non-existent and there are very few deaf people locally. I would have to drive an hour up to Hartford, CT or Providence, RI to participate in deaf social events. I met the local deaf people, it was hard to socialize with them since they all had kids and I didn’t. I liked them but it wasn’t easy finding things to do together. I was excited when a local event popped up at the casino close by. I was nervous to attend but when I did, only one deaf person talked to me. Another event that I went to, I finally was able to talk to more deaf people but most of the questions I got was criticizing the lifestyle that I chose. They weren’t accepting of me. This drove me away from socializing in further events.

I did get a chance to work at a deaf institute up in Hartford, CT. The majority of the staff there were deaf. I was able to socialize with deaf co-workers but I was faced with that acceptance issue again. I was told that many deaf people in Connecticut are protective of their deaf community so they aren’t always welcoming of newcomers. I was upset about that because with the deaf community being so small and with only so few of us, I would think they would be more accepting to have more friends who speak their language and understand their culture. We face discrimination often so I was shocked to get that from my own community. Another thing is that I also was told that I wasn’t “deaf enough”. They were able to understand me when we communicate via sign language. I understand most of deaf culture from what I learned in college. Yet I was still not “deaf enough” because of my mainstreamed upbringing. It is very frustrating.

It is very lonely to be alone in CT but this is when I realized the importance of keeping in touch with my deaf friends from RIT online and via text messaging. I am SO lucky to have them! The distance and going through this difficult experience has helped some of those friendships to grow. I have found that many of them are going through similar experiences of not fitting in their local deaf communities, it isn’t just CT where this is occurring. It shouldn’t be challenging because living life as a deaf individual is already challenging enough!

These experiences have made me stronger BUT I do have my bad days. I learned that it helps to go to Rochester to reset myself. Ironically the place that I once hated has became a place to reset. Those trips are always good because it brings back my confidence and motivation as a deaf individual being back at home around deaf people in the deaf world. I feel better once I feel that normality. It reminds me of the journey I went through to love myself as a deaf person. Rochester is always going to be home for me, a place where I can truly be who I am. I can live with the fact that I won’t have that normality every day but Rochester will always be there for me when I need home. There are still times when I wish I could move back to Rochester permanently, but for now New England has my heart.

The Deaf Mainstreamed Life

Happy Deaf Awareness Month!

This past week I saw a post that was frequently shared over Instagram. The post quoted “I don’t want to turn a Deaf child into a hearing child. I want to help a Deaf child who struggles become a Deaf child who doesn’t struggle”. Those words just really got to me! It made me reflect on my mainstreamed childhood in the public schools. I had some tough times but also gained a lot from my experiences. It’s important to have the best education but at same time, make sure it fits the needs of each individual. Not all deaf people are the same, so the needs varies!

I was mainstreamed in a public school in Upstate New York my entire life. Being mainstreamed was very challenging. I first attended an elementary school across town that had a specialized classroom for students with hearing loss as well as other disabilities. There was an average of 13 students in the classroom every year. I would spend half of the day in the classroom working on speech and writing.

Let’s go off track for a bit so I can explain why writing was a huge focus for me. Grammar is a common weakness for Deaf people. American Sign Language and English are different language, with different grammar rules. Because of our hearing loss we are not learning the linguistics patterns; therefore, writing can be challenging for many. You can see this sometimes when a Deaf person would write the way they sign. Example: (English) How are you? (ASL - how we would sign) How you? Often when using ASL, the verbs (is, be, am, were, etc) aren’t signed. ASL follows different word orders than spoken English.

I hope this clarify why I needed more time to work on writing and with grammar than an average student needed. So again, my typical day consisted of spending the morning in the special education classroom then in the afternoon, I went to my mainstreamed class. This is when I ate lunch with my peers, attended specials (PE/music/art/library) classes and learn other core subjects (math/science/social studies).

I attended that elementary school up to the 4th grade. Since the school wasn’t in my neighborhood, I had to commute daily on a bus. I begged my parents to let me go to the local elementary school in my neighborhood. I badly wanted to be at same school as my brother and the local kids from my neighborhood. My parents had to fight for me to be allowed to transfer schools. The school I was going to had the special classroom equipped with interpreters, Teacher of the Deaf and speech services. The district didn’t want to pay additional for those services at the local school. Thankfully my parents didn’t give up on the fight and I was able to go to the local school for 5th and 6th grades.

It was one of the best decisions for me to transfer schools. Despite the challenges, it was worth it in the end. The experience made me grow a lot and learn how to be my own advocate. I made local friends. I had grown up watching my brother have local friends who were able to come over to play. My friends from my first school never did that since it was across town. When I transferred to the local school, I made many local friends who were able to play with after school. I had best friends. I had sleepovers. I went to birthday parties. I went to friends’ houses for play dates. I was having the normal friendships that I watched my brother have.

One of the second grade teacher at my local school heard about my upcoming arrival the following year so she hosted a sign language club after school. I was allowed to come as a guest to help her teach kids basic ASL. I made a few friends. This helped tremendously with the first day jitters! I walked into the class immediately knowing some friends because of the club. I was very grateful for that teacher to open doors for friendships! She has no idea how her actions with the sign language club became a major asset for my transition into the new school.

Being at the local school was very different. I felt that because I was clumped in with the special education kids at the first school, it was hard for others to see me as an independent person. While at the local school, I was the only deaf student. Everyone was intrigued with my deafness. They really took the time to get to know me and learn my language and communicate with me. I was more involved in other activities and plays because they saw my ability. I even announced the weather reports over the loudspeakers daily to practice my speech skills! Attending the local school really allowed me to thrive and build my independence.

I went onto middle school and high school with my friends. It became more difficult to socialize with my peers as we got older. It was easier in elementary schools when kids were more willing to learn sign language. ASL was old news by the time we got to high school. Some friendships drifted away, but I still gained new ones.

Some have asked me over the years why I didn’t go to Rochester Deaf School for the Deaf (RSD) in Rochester, NY. Despite the 2 hours drive, it was the closest deaf institute to my hometown. It was common for almost every deaf kid from my area to attend RSD for middle and high school. While I was in middle school, my parents took me to RSD and New York State School for the Deaf (NYSSD) in Rome, NY. We toured the schools and my parents left the decision completely up to me if I wanted to attend.

First of all, it was amazing for me to see a class taught in my language - sign language. Some teachers were deaf too! I was blown away at how this was reality. It’s what I have always dreamed of, a perfect world where everything is spoken in my language and everyone was deaf. I followed students my age around for the day at both deaf institutes. I went to their classes with them. I ate lunch with them. I played in P.E. class with them. It was so much fun communicating completely in my language with people who understood me. The world that day was fully immersed in deaf culture. That was the biggest pro of deaf institutes - I would not suffer with socializing aspect. Education was whole other story.

I was disappointed from my observations in the classes that I attended how far behind they were. I was in 7th grade at the time, and they were teaching materials that I had learned in 5th grade. The classes were much smaller with a range of 5-7 students. I can’t exactly say why the education at the time of my visit was behind - it could been lack of staff or resources. It could been that these students needed more time to learn things. Sometimes it can be delayed for deaf people to learn things. You can see an example of that from interpreters. When a speaker is talking, the interpreter has to listen then think about how to interpret that information, then interpret. We will always be a couple of minutes behind from receiving that information. What you see in few minutes with an interpreter can apply to teaching years worth of materials to deaf children. It may require some extra time for them to understand. Some deaf kids have language deprivation at young ages due to their parents not knowing what to do with them. It can delay the whole learning process because teaching them language is a priority in order for them to be able to receive information. I see this issue at NTID (deaf college in Rochester) too. Everyone’s learning processes varies.

It was a very difficult decision to pick opportunities over social life. The mainstreamed school offered so much more classes and activities that the deaf institutes didn’t. Another huge factor in my decision to stay at the mainstreamed school was wanting to stay local with my family and friends. If I had decided to attend the deaf institute, I would have to stay in the residential dorms during the week. The students travels to the institute every Mondays and travel back home on Fridays for the weekends. It was extremely hard for me to imagine that lifestyle because I grew up doing everything with my family, even during the week. I didn’t want to miss out on things with my family. I relied on seeing my family daily (back in the days before videophones existed!). I couldn’t imagine not seeing my brother, who is my best friend, every day.

This decision continue to come up through out my mainstreamed years. It got really difficult at times. There were times when I struggled with social life. I was lonely when I didn’t have many friends. It wasn’t easy. I thought about how different my life would have been if I took the deaf institute path. I have imagined all kinds of scenarios but in the end, I know it was the best decision for me. I knew I would eventually go to RIT/NTID for college which had the deaf community I was searching for. I just had to wait a bit longer to have that. My years in mainstreamed schools taught me a lot and made me learn how to thrive, how to be an advocate and how to be independent.

All opinion in this blog are my own. It does not reflect the opinions of other deaf members.

Traveling in Ireland

I was born into an Irish family with strong pride for our Irish heritage. I love everything Irish and about Ireland. It was natural that the first time I left America was for the beautiful countryside of Ireland. It was on my bucket list to see everything that my ancestral country had to offer. I recall being so nervous to leave the customs that I am familiar with especially with my deafness. I had no idea what to expect - how the people over there would react to my deafness? How will they talk to me if I didn’t understand them? Will they be more mean? Will I meet deaf people in Ireland and will they be nice?

Cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Ireland.

First of all, the people in Ireland blew me away. They were AMAZINGLY nice! Ireland is very welcoming to its tourists, the Irish people are very helpful. I interacted with people daily and never came across a mean person. It made the whole experience of traveling through Ireland so much easier. It wasn’t hard to approach a local and get information.

One day I went to tour the House of Waterford Crystal in Waterford, Ireland. The admissions desk noticed that I was deaf when I was signing so they told me that there was someone on the factory tour that knew sign language. They said they would check if he was working that day and make sure that we meet. I figured it was just a hearing person who knew some sign to communicate with all the tourists that came through there daily. Boy, was I wrong! This is when I met my first Irish deaf friend, Brendan. It was first time seeing someone signing a whole new language - Irish Sign Language (ISL). Wait, what? Yes, that’s right - just like verbal language there are different sign language in each country. So many people think sign language is universal but it’s not! I was nervous about not understanding ISL and how to respond. Luckily our first interaction went well, it wasn’t hard to understand what he was saying since some signs were similar to American Sign Language. All sign languages are based on visual cues, I was able to pick up on what Brendan was saying to me - he was telling me about his job as Master Cutter and how long his co-workers had been employed at the Waterford Crystal Factory. I was able to learn some information about the Waterford Crystal Factory that I probably wouldn’t have known if not for meeting him. Whenever I go on tours and see hearing people have that accessibility to talk to people behind the scenes, it makes me sad that I don’t have that luxury due to language barriers. I was glad that I finally got that chance with Brendan. It was the highlight of my trip to Waterford Crystal Factory.

My Irish deaf friend, Brendan working at Waterford Crystal Factory.

Many people that I interacted with in Ireland were very accommodating when I asked for information. When I was in Kilkenny, Ireland I walked in to the Smithwick’s factory into their gift shop to ask the employee for directions. That chat turned into an hour and half long conversation. I was there well past closing! She didn’t rush, taking the time to google things on the internet and draw up a map with lists of places to see for the rest of the time I was in Ireland. I came across another two women who were like this that drew up a map with written lists or directions for me. The girl from Smithwick’s was very fascinated with my deafness, the chat was filled of questions regarding that along with my questions about the general culture in Ireland. She was college aged and told me that she never met a deaf person.

I got the impression that many people in Ireland aren’t as exposed to the deaf community/culture. The Irish population is the same size as Connecticut and Rhode Island combined, but with much more space. The life in Ireland is very rural, I would imagine it would be hard to interact with deaf people unless you were in the metropolitan city like Dublin. I stayed at several homes all over Ireland , some of the hosts were very curious about my deafness. Almost every interaction ended with people asking me how to sign a word (or few). I felt like I was treated as royalty just because of my deafness.

My deafness also helped me to overcome communication issues that happened in Ireland. There are some Irish (mostly in Northern) that spoke the Gaelic language. I was at a restaurant in County Cork when I came across an Irish male that spoke heavy Gaelic. Speaking English wasn’t successful so I was able to gesture with him. The gesturing was the most successful method for our communication. It was funny to be in this kind situation because usually I’m struggling to be understood!

In front of DeafHear, an agency that provides services to the deaf in Ireland.

The airport security was another story. I flew out of Dublin Airport every time. During one of my return trip back home to America, the Dublin Airport Security (DAS) were asking people in line security questions. When I approached them, they pulled me aside. They wanted to ask me the questions directly and have me to answer them directly. I was literally shaking in my boots! The officer went off to talk to his supervisor and came back with a laminated copy of questions. He pointed to the question one at a time and looked at me to have me to shake my head “yes” or “no”. There was only one question where I had to expand my reply so I verbally answered with gesturing which went smoothly. I got pulled aside at United States customs once because there was an outstanding warrant for someone with same name as me (lucky me!). During this questioning ordeal, they allowed my traveling partner to interpret. Looking back at these experience, I was clearly most comfortable having someone to interpret but I have to say that Dublin Airport Security did the right thing. They looked at me as an independent individual which is how most deaf people want to be treated. DAS wasn’t nervous at all to attempt the communication. I was impressed in the end with what they did despite the nervousness I felt in the moment.

It wasn’t a difficult experience traveling all over Ireland with my deafness because of the kindness there. The Irish are very welcoming to the tourists and they definitely had a lot pride for their home country. I hope that when I return to Ireland that I will meet more Irish deaf people to find out more about the community and culture in Ireland. I’m very curious to learn more about Irish deaf culture!

No Sound, No Problem: Experiencing a Concert from a Deaf POV

Happy March everyone!

I’m excited that it’s March because being Irish is one of my most favorite things about life - it’s always so much fun to celebrate my heritage (but I celebrate year round!). This year, Flogging Molly came to town! They started their ‘Life Is Good’ tour at Foxwoods Casino. I had the time of my life! It brought back so many memories for me.

Growing up in an Irish family, my dad was a fan of Flogging Molly so it rubbed off onto me. People always got curious when I said that I liked a specific musician or a band because of my hearing loss. During my middle and high school years, I would learn the lyrics to any songs so that’s how I knew who I “like”. I never thought to listen to them but I started to in college after realizing that I could feel the bass and vibrations of the music when I went to few concerts. I can’t hear the words while the music is being played.

I don’t go to concerts often so I’m still learning about what it’s like when I do go. I thought Flogging Molly would be playing all new songs from their new release which I haven’t got around to research the lyrics or play them. While I was sitting at the concert feeling the bass and vibrations, I found myself feeling deja vu. I felt a sense of familiarity in the music.

There were couple years during college when I was homesick so I commuted the 2 hours drive every weekend. This is when I would blast any music in the car since I was alone on open and bare highway. Flogging Molly was played the most often.

So sitting there at Flogging Molly concert brought back those memories and I was surprised that I could recognize feeling the bass and vibrations after years! I was able to identify the song ‘Drunken Lullabies’ when they played it at the concert.

People were surprised when they saw pictures on my social media of me at Flogging Molly. Probably wondered how is that possible for me? Even through I have my hearing loss, I still enjoy the concert in my own way. On top of feeling the bass and vibrations of the songs, I enjoy the visual aspects of the concerts such as lighting, watching them play on their instruments, etc. I also can feel the excitement of concert-goers. At Flogging Molly, I enjoyed being around so many Irish people who were decked out in newsboys caps, Irish t-shirts, and tweed. It created a fun environment for me.

This blog is not sponsored. All opinions in this blog are my own.

Background

One of my hopes with this blog is to broaden the awareness of deafness. I will be sharing what it's like being deaf. All opinions and experiences in this blog are my own, it does not reflect the opinions or experiences of other deaf people.

Throughout my life I have met many people curious about my deafness, most often these are people who have never know a deaf person or who have had only limited exposure to the deaf community. I encourage people to ask me questions, because I want to bring awareness of deafness into main stream culture. I hope you can learn from me and feel free to email me your inquiring questions! 

Let's start with the background of my deafness. I was born with profound hearing loss with no history of deafness in the family. My parents, brother, grandparents, and relatives are hearing. I use simultaneous communication (sim-com) with American Sign Language and spoken English as my main communication method.

I was born in New Jersey so I lived there for the first few years of my life. When I was 6 months old, my parents noticed that I was not responding to sounds so they brought me to a doctor. The doctor stood adjacent to me and clapped his hands. Naturally I reacted by looking at him, he said “nope, she’s fine.” My parents brought me home with doubts in the back of their minds. When I was 9 months old, we visited family in Upstate New York. This is when they expressed the concerns to my aunt who was a student at Elmira College. My aunt scheduled a hearing test which this is where my parents were told that I am deaf. The people who did the testing did not want to commit to the level of my hearing loss so they suggested my parents schedule a testing with audiologist. My parents took me to an audiologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The audiologist confirmed my hearing loss but said the hearing loss was only moderate. I was fitted with hearing aids that suited that level.

My parents began to research schools for me to attend, two schools came highly recommended: Helen Beebe Speech and Hearing Center in Easton, PA and Summit Speech School in New Providence, NJ. Both of these had focuses on auditory/oral education. It was decided that I would go to Summit Speech School since it was 45 minutes closer to my home. I went there three times a week for 1:1 sessions. The staff worked with me to pronounce sounds.

While I attended Summit Speech School, they had suspicions that my hearing loss was greater than what my parents were told. They recommended to get another hearing test. My parents took me to Beth Israel Medical Center in Newark, NJ. It was discovered then that I had profound hearing loss! I was fitted with another hearing aid that was suited better for profound hearing loss.

By the time I was 3 years old, my family moved to Upstate New York to be closer to family. My parents felt the stress and uncertainty of raising a deaf child so they wanted the support of the family. I went from Summit Speech School in NJ to a program at Elmira College. The only difference was that Elmira College used “total communication” - usage of both spoken English and sign language. This is when I learned American Sign Language (ASL). My parents had hesitancy about me using ASL because Summit Speech School told them that it was bad! Fortunately, I never dropped the speech part. My parents started taking ASL classes shortly after so they can communicate with me.

I grew up the majority of my life in a small hamlet town outside of Elmira, New York. I attended a mainstreamed school. I was the only deaf student with no pre-existing conditions. I had a support team that consisted of a Teacher of the Deaf, interpreter, and a note taker. A deaf community was nonexistence during my childhood because all of my peers attended school for the deaf in Rochester, New York. Rochester was a 2 hours drive from my home. Before you ask why didn’t I go to the deaf school too… I promise a future blog post about it.

After high school graduation I attended the deaf college, National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID), at Rochester Institute of Technology in Rochester, NY. This is when I finally was able to be a part of the deaf community. Those years in Rochester probably were the most challenging time in my life discovering myself as a deaf individual. It taught me a lot about finding my place in this world.